Ready, I'm ready...

I'm ready little one, whenever you feel like making an appearance, I hate to say it but my body has kind of had enough of hosting you.

There's no room anymore, you know that already, I can feel you rumbling around shifting bits of your body trying to get comfy, I sympathise 'cos I'm doing the same and I've kind of realised that it can't be done now. Comfort is beyond us now babe.

I have stretch marks, big ugly purple claw marks on my belly, never had any with little man, well I had one but that's 'cos I left my belly button ring in too long and the hole kind of stretched so I got one there. This time and only in the past week, my belly looks like a tiger had at it. My belly button looks like it might pop too, that didn't happen last time. More reminders that this is not little man, this baby is different. I'm getting nervous now, just how different will this baby be?

A colleague had her baby 4 weeks ago at 37 weeks, he won't latch so she's pumping for him - little man was a great feeder, never had a physical problem breastfeeding, emotional, yes a bit but I got over that. Will this baby be the same? Will I struggle to feed him/her properly? Will s/he be colicky? Little man was a good baby, he had his moments, for a few weeks he cried from 11-1 every night. I've been assuming it will be easier with baby #2 but maybe it won't. Maybe we were spoiled with little man and now we're going to pay the piper.

I'm anxious and nervous and oh so very very big and uncomfortable. I can't sleep, can't sit comfortably anywhere except propped on the couch with 5, 000 cushions around me or on the fabulous lilac birth ball that big man surprised me with last week.*

I'm afraid this baby will be bigger than little man was (8lbs 10oz) and I won't be able to push him/her out. I'm afraid of the birth, afraid of life with a newborn and a 2 1/2 yr old, of sleep deprivation, of possible conflict and crankiness in the house ';cos we're all exhausted and adjusting to our new dynamic. Afraid that I have nothing ready, that I'm not finished up at work and not getting anything done, that they'll be majorly pissed off with me when I'm gone. That I'll leave something undone and it will slip through a crack and cause havoc.

I have no bag packed for the hospital, I should do that one of these days.

I scheduled an acupuncture session for next Tuesday and a massage for this Friday, I'll be 37 weeks so officially full term. I know the baby won't come until s/he's ready but a little nudge in the right direction is no harm - is it?

Did I mention that I have 3 sister in laws due soon as well? My brothers wife is due in September, big man has 2 brothers whose wives are/were due within 2 weeks of me. One of them had her baby yesterday, a little boy, popped out in 45 minutes her 3rd child. Maybe that's why I'm fretting a little, now that she has gone, it's getting more real every day, my turn soon.

Little man gets 4 new cousins this year, 2 already born and 2 more to come.

*I was so very touched, big man's not one for romantic gestures, the fact that he googled it and ordered it and had it delivered almost had me in tears. I suppose you'd have to have experience of an Irish man to truly appreciate the consideration and reaction.