Happy New Year - 128bpm

Just a few days late!

Sorry for the break, Xmas and all that palava took me away from computers for a couple of weeks.

Didn't take me away from doctors sticking things into my private parts though, I'm way too familiar with the dildo cam - or probe or whatever they call it. Had another scan yesterday and there it was, in all it's glory, all .8" of it with it's little heart beating steadily at 128bpm.

I'm kind of in shock to be honest. I was bracing for the worst and hoping for the best as they say. It's starting to sink in now, I could actually have another child in a few months!

This pregnancy is very different so far, I'm an emotional wreck, wildly careening from rage to deep sadness in a matter of moments, it's weird. Night time is hell, can't sleep, am having horrible hallucenogenic dreams so I don't want to sleep, I can't get comfortable, I'm pissed off at everyone, it's not restful to say the least.

** TMI warning - move along if you don't want to read about poo **

I've gained about 5lbs which is probably more than I should have at this point so I'll have to watch myself a bit better. I think about 3lbs of that is poo to be honest. Sorry if tmi but pregnancy to me is all about poo. I suffer terribly from constipation, hemarroids, cramps and gas; I have IBS in real life so it just gets worse with pregnancy. This time I'm astounded at the
contents of the bowl. Last week I had a poo so huge it tore me, nice eh? Took forever to come out, to the point where I had actually started to panic a bit, thought I might have to give it some help and not sure what I would do really, luckily it made it's painful way out and I almost took a picture I was so shocked. I'm still sore from that one. It was followed a few minutes later by - no joke - another poo of about 18". Long poos I can deal with, big fat ones, no no no, they hurt man! And then I bleed and then I panic...with my history of IBS I'm pretty confident that bleeding is internal hemerroids, but when I'm pregnant, any blood "down there" freaks me out.

** OK poo talk over, carry on **

So other than the poo, everything else is pretty good, some fatigue, yes, but not as bad as I remember it last time, some nausea, yes, but again, not as bad.

Fingers crossed this all goes well, I've been torturing myself reading about other people's miscarriages at 9w and so on. I've read that your chances are low after you've seen a heartbeat so I'll concentrate on that for now.