The big scan

Had the BIG scan yesterday, the one where you can find out the baby's gender and...













I can't tell you!

Ha ha, sorry, we were still (arguing) discussing our options when the time came so we decided that I would find out and Big man and little man would leave the room. So I know but they don't and I can't very well tell the internet if they don't know so sorry.

I'm glad I know but it's going to be difficult to keep it to myself for another 20+ weeks!

Baby is fine, big - no surprise there - measuring a week ahead as am I so due date is moved forward to August 7th. Placenta is in front which is why I haven't been feeling a whole lot of movement, I was a bit worried about that.

Had a midwife appointment afterwards, met a new midwife - well new to me - who I adored, she was fab, just how you want a midwife to be, big, friendly, competent, capable and no nonsense. She said the GD may not be a problem, I have to do the yummy sugar drink thing next week. And best of all she reiterated that I am an excellent candidate for a VBAC - yahooey!

Took little man to the dentist for his 1st ever appointment, was cute, no work done or anything, just a meet and greet kind of thing, he got a sticker.

And then little man and I went home and slept for the afternoon, I was wrecked, the scan wiped me out, took all of the tension away, I didn't realise how tense I was until I let it go, I had myself convinced there was something wrong with this baby - phew.

Blurry eyes

Sign of diabetes I know...hmm...

Can you get specs for blurry eyes if it's only temporary? Will that do more damage to your eyes long term?

It is only temporary isn't it?

By the way, just in case you missed my poo talk, I gave birth to a bouncing baby poo this morning, he only gestated for 4 days.

Dentists

Another PSA from me, stay the fuck away from dentists when you're pregnant people. Now it may just be my dentist who seems to be a bit rough and certainly took her frustration out on me last Monday but when I went back today to say:

Hey lady, what the fuck, why is there a bit of gum flapping all round my mouth? Shouldn't it be like attached to a tooth or something? eh? eh?

And she said:

Oh right yeah, it's because you're pregnant and your gums take longer to heal and they're more sensitive and shit.

Not what I was expecting to hear which would have been more like:

Oh sorry there, I was a bit rough last week and tore right through your gum back there so it's no surprise you've been popping tylenol extra strength like tic tacs for the last week or so.

Stupid cow, she is so not my fucking dentist anymore. Doesn't help the searing pain in my jaw nor the gaping hole in my mouth that she so gently scraped out this morning.

So, be warned fellow big belly sporters, stay away from dentists (or maybe just my dentist) if you really don't have to go.

Ack fer fuxake people

Redmum has a post up today about a Trócaire ad being pulled, I can't even begin to express how pissed off I am that this kind of shite happens, so I am damned glad I have mates like RM with her mad writing skills.

Compare this to the bullshit with Dolce & Gabana eloquently reported on by Ms. Fatmammycat - ack I can't even extract a sane thought from my muddled brain.

Please go sign the petition.

Now on a less serious note, how do I extract sensible thought from my brain? Seriously (or not) people, I am at sea. No rhyme or reason, I used to take drugs to feel like this, if I'd only known getting knocked up would have achieve the same result I would've done this years ago, cheaper* too.

*Remind me to post about money soon, I do hope you're keeping a list, I've asked you to remind me about many things lately and given the state of my mind you will soon be reminding me to wash myself and zip up my pants after I wee - oh hang on - my pants don't have zips or buttons anymore, I've finally figured out why materity clothes just pull up, because we're not capable of remembering to zip or button anything! Phew! Maybe that realisation will make room in my brain for something else now.

I Dream Dead People

I do - every night, I dream about dead people. I know I mentioned this before but it's getting worse and is moving through all of the people I know who have passed away. I'm starting to dread going to sleep for fear of who is going to pop up and remind me that we all die! And worms will eat my eyes - SCREAM!

Nice thoughts to wake up with at 3am.

I went for a massage on Saturday with Catherine of the magic hands and mentioned it her, she suggested I ask my Dad, who has become a regular visitor, if he wants to tell me something.

So last night before I went to sleep, I did just that.

Dad, is there something you want to tell me? Something you want to ask? Are you just popping in to say hello?

I am fucking insane was my last thought before I went to sleep!

Dad didn't show up so I guess he doesn't have anything to tell me or ask me and it really is just my mind dredging up images and people from my life as I try to process mortality once again. In a couple of recent dreams both my son and my Dad were there, that was nice and even if it was just a manifestation of my sorrow that they have never nor will ever be together in reality, it was a nice manifestation so I say Thank you to my subconscious and could you please ease up on the morbidity, I'm kind of sleep deprived and it's causing problems.

Problems like almost slicing the top of my finger off when I was doing the dishes last night, I still soldiered on and washed them one handed - sniff sniff.

Problems like not getting shit done at work because I have the attention span of a gnat with ADD.

Problems like showing up at work with unwashed seriously grey hair* because I really seriously could not drag my sorry fat arse** out of bed this morning and barely made it in time.

So subconscious sweetie, darling, pet, a little break would be nice, just so's I can, y'know FUCKING SLEEP A LITTLE and not kill myself or someone else when I drive home in a daze this afternoon.

*grey hair - oh my good gods people, what am I going to do about the grey hair, it's fucking ridiculous! I haven't seen my real hair colour since little man was born, I had no idea (but a sneaky suspicion) that I was hiding old lady hair under there. I was, it's out, my secret is out, I'm 37 and greyer than my 70 year old Mother!!!! Looks real purdy with just a couple of inches of roots showing too, real nice.

*big butts mentioned again, I rue the effect pregnancy has on my arse. I have always had a nice tight little bum, I can remember with a mixture of nausea and horror the day I spied my bum in the mirror when I was about 7 months pregnant with little man, I couldn't twist around at that point y'see so I hadn't seen it in a while, nor was I really thinking about it, I was more concerned with my massive breasts and astoundingly huge belly. Then, I went to a bathroom at my childbirth education class and there was a full length mirror on the wall, as I pulled my pants up I caught a glimpse of something awful and stopped dead in my tracks, horrified. I nearly burst in to tears right then and there, that horrible thing was my once lovely bum! It's never been the same since, I have never found jeans that look as good as they once did cradling my lovely bum, it's sad people. This pregnancy I've been more aware or perhaps the decline has been faster, it's too awful to think about, so I try not to.

Tickers

See the tickers up there?

Yeah yeah I know you can't miss them.

Hate them myself BUT and obviously it's a big but (remind me to post about the other kinds of big butts soon) I cannot keep track my this pregnancy, I keep getting my weeks wrong and then people laugh at me, which is just mean and cruel and - sob - not what you should do to a hormonal pregnant chick - mmmkay?

So I made a ticker to tell me how many weeks I am and then I felt bad that little man was left out so I made one for him too. All sounds easy peasy eh? Fucking wasn't let me tell you, my brain is seriously fucked up these days, I'm amazed I make it to work with shoes on most days.

2 children

Rockstar Mommy: Blinded By Child Science

This post is my boogey man.

I'm terrified about having the energy for 2 children, I barely have enough for 1. Rockstar Mommy has scared the shit out of me.