Pregnant Men?

I've been dealing with family for the past couple of weeks so have had no time to blog.

All is well, have learned to take 1 Dulcolax laxative, not 2 - hmm...

Had some bleeding at 12w but no big deal, had baby checked and s/he is okay. Have scheduled Level II scan for March 19 - have started to waver on the gender mystery, not so sure I want to find out now. What do you think?

Refused all tests, just want to enjoy the pregnancy (ha ha) and not worry about what might or might not be, if baby has issues, we'll deal as best we can.

Have found doc from Romania who is refreshingly old country, complained to her about my awful skin and she said "Oh it must be a girl!" not what I was expecting, I was hoping for a cream or a referral to a dermatologist, made me laugh though and set me up to keep this pregnancy as unmedicalised as possible. She's a little bitty thing though, I hope she can manage me when I look like a whale! So far not doing so bad with the weight gain, 11lbs in total at 14 weeks and 9 of those went on in the first 2 weeks so I've been doing well since then.

Not abiding by the GD diet at all at all, feck it, I'm not so sure it isn't a made up thing anyway, I have a link to a really interesting FAQ about it which I can't find right now but I will.

Read this today and thought you might enjoy:

RELATIONSHIPS; EXPECTANT FATHERS' SYMPTOMS

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By GEORGIA DULLEA
Published: September 6, 1982

MORNING sickness, weight gain, backaches, food cravings. The symptoms appeared, only to disappear nine months later, when his wife gave birth. ''I was eating more to keep her company,'' he told the others in a class on parenthood at the 92nd Street Y. ''When she got sick, I got sick. Empathy, I guess.''

The man had experienced what mental-health professionals call the couvade syndrome. The term derives from the ancient, worldwide couvade ritual, observed in modern times among certain peoples in South America and Africa. In a significant form of the ritual, the man takes to his bed at the onset of his wife's labor and mimics childbirth. The ruse distracts evil spirits during the actual birth, protecting mother and child.

While the practice is based on pretense, the syndrome is very real, according to researchers who have studied expectant fathers. Unlike women, who have nine months to prepare for their new roles, it seems that men have been expected to make the psychological transition to parenthood overnight. It doesn't always work out that way, according to the mental-health professionals.

Dr. Sue Rosenberg Zalk, a psychologist and Hunter College professor who has counseled and interviewed many such men, says some are surprised by their bodily changes and mood swings during the pregnancy. Conflicting feelings of anxiety, depression, elation, ambivalence and envy are not atypical. ''But, '' she said, ''because so little attention and support are given to the expectant father, he sits on his feelings, and frequently they come out in ways that are self-destructive or destructive to the marriage.''

Citing studies of battered women, Dr. Zalk said that some reported being struck by their husbands for the first time during pregnancy. Other men deal with hostile feelings by withdrawing or by lavishing attention on their wives, as a parent might. Still others find creative outlets for their feelings, building cribs or painting nursery walls.

Expectant fathers may experience loss of libido in some phases of the pregnancy. A psychoanalytic explanation for this is that the wife, in becoming a mother, stimulates Oedipal conflicts in her husband, who then sees her as sexually taboo. Further reasons advanced for the man's depleted sex drive include fear of the fetus, fear of harming the mother or the baby, or feelings of inadequacy in relation to the magnitude of motherhood.

Whatever the cause, a decrease in sexual desire often triggers anxiety in men, perhaps because of the myth that they are not supposed to be affected sexually by stressful events peripheral to sex. At least that is how it seems to Sam Bittman, a Massachusetts writer, who lost interest in sex at one point in his wife's pregnancy.

''It's a pretty frightening thing, '' he acknowledged, ''and it has a ripple effect when the issue is not discussed with your spouse. Then everybody's threatened by it. My poor wife felt she was no longer sexually appealing to me. In fact, nothing could have been further from the truth. It's just that there were so many new feelings.''

In an effort to understand the feelings, Mr. Bittman began interviewing other fathers. He came away with the impression that men tend to deal with the appropriate anxieties surrounding parenthood by denying them. This led to his teaching classes for expectant parents and, eventually, to his joining Dr. Zalk to write a book, ''Expectant Fathers'' (Ballantine Books, $6.95). The work draws on discussions with men's groups and interviews with 47 fathers, plus questionnaires from 162 others.

''They were pleased to find someone who was finally interested in their experiences,'' Mr. Bittman reported. ''Occasionally a man would contact us, saying he'd heard we were talking to men and didn't want to be left out. Our sense from these reactions was that expectant fathers often feel neglected.''

Still, times are changing. Just as fathers are playing more active roles, both in the baby's birth and in its care, they are taking courses in expectant parenthood. The 92nd Street Y, for example, is offering such a course for 10 weeks beginning Nov. 30 and plans to repeat it. The instructor is Dr. Wende Doniger, a psychologist with six years of experience in working with expectant parents.

Fantasies of fathers differ from those of mothers, Dr. Doniger said, in that the coming baby is often seen as an older child rather than an infant. Fathers also worry more about the cost of rearing a child. ''Finances are familiar to them,'' she said. ''That's safer than worrying what they would do if the wives go away for four hours and leave them alone with the baby.''

''Fathers,'' she went on, ''have not been given the opportunity to understand their own feelings during pregnancy. One problem is that pregnant women tend to be very self-centered. Wives should be more attentive to what husbands are going through, just as they expect husbands to be attentive to their needs.'' Georgia Dullea