The dreams people, oh my good gods the dreams or the not sure if I'm asleep or not hallucinations.
I cannot seem to stay asleep all night, it's driving me batty. I dream about all sorts of fucked up things, last night I worked out a strategy for a job I had 17 years ago, seriously, I moved peoples offices around, put up signage, revamped departments, the whole shebang. I woke up full of energy and ideas it took me a good 10 minutes to realise and then convince myself that I no longer worked there and never would again. Seriously I had to convince myself, that's why i mentioned the not sure if I'm asleep hallucinations up there. I didn't sleep for the rest of the night caught up in a trip down memory lane.
I've been dreaming a lot about people who have died, my Dad shows up every couple of nights, a childhood friend who died 2 years ago last month has been showing up a lot too. In one recent dream I was setting her up with a new boyfriend, probably to make up for the last time we met when I spoiled her drunken hook up and have felt bad about it ever since. I didn't know it was the last time we would ever see each other, I was nursing a 10 week old when she died and couldn't make the funeral, I can't bear to think of her death which was slow and painful at 34, it's too tragic. When she appears in my dreams she is young and vibrant but I know she will die and so does she. In real life she did too, but we never talked about it. Ack!
Anyway suffice to say I had forgotten the horrid morbidity that comes with pregnancy, I wake up weeping missing my Dad so very very much and furious that my children do not have the pleasure of knowing him or he them. It's too fucking unfair and makes me so very determined to live long and healthy so I can wrap my grandchildren in my arms - which is what this is all about really isn't it?
Monday, February 26, 2007
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Pregnancy Horror Stories
Suburban Turmoil: VOTE HERE!
Some are funny - well not funny ha ha but it's the way they tell 'em y'know?
Some are downright terrifying so be warned.
I'm not sure I ever did a pregnancy/birth story for little man, it was pretty shitty, I might do it on here one of these days.
Belly is fucking huge today, seriously ridiculously massive, it's all fat, baby is just about 4" long and 3oz or so, I look like I'm 6 months pregnant - ack!
Oh well...
Some are funny - well not funny ha ha but it's the way they tell 'em y'know?
Some are downright terrifying so be warned.
I'm not sure I ever did a pregnancy/birth story for little man, it was pretty shitty, I might do it on here one of these days.
Belly is fucking huge today, seriously ridiculously massive, it's all fat, baby is just about 4" long and 3oz or so, I look like I'm 6 months pregnant - ack!
Oh well...
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Pregnant Men?
I've been dealing with family for the past couple of weeks so have had no time to blog.
All is well, have learned to take 1 Dulcolax laxative, not 2 - hmm...
Had some bleeding at 12w but no big deal, had baby checked and s/he is okay. Have scheduled Level II scan for March 19 - have started to waver on the gender mystery, not so sure I want to find out now. What do you think?
Refused all tests, just want to enjoy the pregnancy (ha ha) and not worry about what might or might not be, if baby has issues, we'll deal as best we can.
Have found doc from Romania who is refreshingly old country, complained to her about my awful skin and she said "Oh it must be a girl!" not what I was expecting, I was hoping for a cream or a referral to a dermatologist, made me laugh though and set me up to keep this pregnancy as unmedicalised as possible. She's a little bitty thing though, I hope she can manage me when I look like a whale! So far not doing so bad with the weight gain, 11lbs in total at 14 weeks and 9 of those went on in the first 2 weeks so I've been doing well since then.
Not abiding by the GD diet at all at all, feck it, I'm not so sure it isn't a made up thing anyway, I have a link to a really interesting FAQ about it which I can't find right now but I will.
Read this today and thought you might enjoy:
RELATIONSHIPS; EXPECTANT FATHERS' SYMPTOMS
Article Tools Sponsored By
By GEORGIA DULLEA
Published: September 6, 1982
MORNING sickness, weight gain, backaches, food cravings. The symptoms appeared, only to disappear nine months later, when his wife gave birth. ''I was eating more to keep her company,'' he told the others in a class on parenthood at the 92nd Street Y. ''When she got sick, I got sick. Empathy, I guess.''
The man had experienced what mental-health professionals call the couvade syndrome. The term derives from the ancient, worldwide couvade ritual, observed in modern times among certain peoples in South America and Africa. In a significant form of the ritual, the man takes to his bed at the onset of his wife's labor and mimics childbirth. The ruse distracts evil spirits during the actual birth, protecting mother and child.
While the practice is based on pretense, the syndrome is very real, according to researchers who have studied expectant fathers. Unlike women, who have nine months to prepare for their new roles, it seems that men have been expected to make the psychological transition to parenthood overnight. It doesn't always work out that way, according to the mental-health professionals.
Dr. Sue Rosenberg Zalk, a psychologist and Hunter College professor who has counseled and interviewed many such men, says some are surprised by their bodily changes and mood swings during the pregnancy. Conflicting feelings of anxiety, depression, elation, ambivalence and envy are not atypical. ''But, '' she said, ''because so little attention and support are given to the expectant father, he sits on his feelings, and frequently they come out in ways that are self-destructive or destructive to the marriage.''
Citing studies of battered women, Dr. Zalk said that some reported being struck by their husbands for the first time during pregnancy. Other men deal with hostile feelings by withdrawing or by lavishing attention on their wives, as a parent might. Still others find creative outlets for their feelings, building cribs or painting nursery walls.
Expectant fathers may experience loss of libido in some phases of the pregnancy. A psychoanalytic explanation for this is that the wife, in becoming a mother, stimulates Oedipal conflicts in her husband, who then sees her as sexually taboo. Further reasons advanced for the man's depleted sex drive include fear of the fetus, fear of harming the mother or the baby, or feelings of inadequacy in relation to the magnitude of motherhood.
Whatever the cause, a decrease in sexual desire often triggers anxiety in men, perhaps because of the myth that they are not supposed to be affected sexually by stressful events peripheral to sex. At least that is how it seems to Sam Bittman, a Massachusetts writer, who lost interest in sex at one point in his wife's pregnancy.
''It's a pretty frightening thing, '' he acknowledged, ''and it has a ripple effect when the issue is not discussed with your spouse. Then everybody's threatened by it. My poor wife felt she was no longer sexually appealing to me. In fact, nothing could have been further from the truth. It's just that there were so many new feelings.''
In an effort to understand the feelings, Mr. Bittman began interviewing other fathers. He came away with the impression that men tend to deal with the appropriate anxieties surrounding parenthood by denying them. This led to his teaching classes for expectant parents and, eventually, to his joining Dr. Zalk to write a book, ''Expectant Fathers'' (Ballantine Books, $6.95). The work draws on discussions with men's groups and interviews with 47 fathers, plus questionnaires from 162 others.
''They were pleased to find someone who was finally interested in their experiences,'' Mr. Bittman reported. ''Occasionally a man would contact us, saying he'd heard we were talking to men and didn't want to be left out. Our sense from these reactions was that expectant fathers often feel neglected.''
Still, times are changing. Just as fathers are playing more active roles, both in the baby's birth and in its care, they are taking courses in expectant parenthood. The 92nd Street Y, for example, is offering such a course for 10 weeks beginning Nov. 30 and plans to repeat it. The instructor is Dr. Wende Doniger, a psychologist with six years of experience in working with expectant parents.
Fantasies of fathers differ from those of mothers, Dr. Doniger said, in that the coming baby is often seen as an older child rather than an infant. Fathers also worry more about the cost of rearing a child. ''Finances are familiar to them,'' she said. ''That's safer than worrying what they would do if the wives go away for four hours and leave them alone with the baby.''
''Fathers,'' she went on, ''have not been given the opportunity to understand their own feelings during pregnancy. One problem is that pregnant women tend to be very self-centered. Wives should be more attentive to what husbands are going through, just as they expect husbands to be attentive to their needs.'' Georgia Dullea
All is well, have learned to take 1 Dulcolax laxative, not 2 - hmm...
Had some bleeding at 12w but no big deal, had baby checked and s/he is okay. Have scheduled Level II scan for March 19 - have started to waver on the gender mystery, not so sure I want to find out now. What do you think?
Refused all tests, just want to enjoy the pregnancy (ha ha) and not worry about what might or might not be, if baby has issues, we'll deal as best we can.
Have found doc from Romania who is refreshingly old country, complained to her about my awful skin and she said "Oh it must be a girl!" not what I was expecting, I was hoping for a cream or a referral to a dermatologist, made me laugh though and set me up to keep this pregnancy as unmedicalised as possible. She's a little bitty thing though, I hope she can manage me when I look like a whale! So far not doing so bad with the weight gain, 11lbs in total at 14 weeks and 9 of those went on in the first 2 weeks so I've been doing well since then.
Not abiding by the GD diet at all at all, feck it, I'm not so sure it isn't a made up thing anyway, I have a link to a really interesting FAQ about it which I can't find right now but I will.
Read this today and thought you might enjoy:
RELATIONSHIPS; EXPECTANT FATHERS' SYMPTOMS
Article Tools Sponsored By
By GEORGIA DULLEA
Published: September 6, 1982
MORNING sickness, weight gain, backaches, food cravings. The symptoms appeared, only to disappear nine months later, when his wife gave birth. ''I was eating more to keep her company,'' he told the others in a class on parenthood at the 92nd Street Y. ''When she got sick, I got sick. Empathy, I guess.''
The man had experienced what mental-health professionals call the couvade syndrome. The term derives from the ancient, worldwide couvade ritual, observed in modern times among certain peoples in South America and Africa. In a significant form of the ritual, the man takes to his bed at the onset of his wife's labor and mimics childbirth. The ruse distracts evil spirits during the actual birth, protecting mother and child.
While the practice is based on pretense, the syndrome is very real, according to researchers who have studied expectant fathers. Unlike women, who have nine months to prepare for their new roles, it seems that men have been expected to make the psychological transition to parenthood overnight. It doesn't always work out that way, according to the mental-health professionals.
Dr. Sue Rosenberg Zalk, a psychologist and Hunter College professor who has counseled and interviewed many such men, says some are surprised by their bodily changes and mood swings during the pregnancy. Conflicting feelings of anxiety, depression, elation, ambivalence and envy are not atypical. ''But, '' she said, ''because so little attention and support are given to the expectant father, he sits on his feelings, and frequently they come out in ways that are self-destructive or destructive to the marriage.''
Citing studies of battered women, Dr. Zalk said that some reported being struck by their husbands for the first time during pregnancy. Other men deal with hostile feelings by withdrawing or by lavishing attention on their wives, as a parent might. Still others find creative outlets for their feelings, building cribs or painting nursery walls.
Expectant fathers may experience loss of libido in some phases of the pregnancy. A psychoanalytic explanation for this is that the wife, in becoming a mother, stimulates Oedipal conflicts in her husband, who then sees her as sexually taboo. Further reasons advanced for the man's depleted sex drive include fear of the fetus, fear of harming the mother or the baby, or feelings of inadequacy in relation to the magnitude of motherhood.
Whatever the cause, a decrease in sexual desire often triggers anxiety in men, perhaps because of the myth that they are not supposed to be affected sexually by stressful events peripheral to sex. At least that is how it seems to Sam Bittman, a Massachusetts writer, who lost interest in sex at one point in his wife's pregnancy.
''It's a pretty frightening thing, '' he acknowledged, ''and it has a ripple effect when the issue is not discussed with your spouse. Then everybody's threatened by it. My poor wife felt she was no longer sexually appealing to me. In fact, nothing could have been further from the truth. It's just that there were so many new feelings.''
In an effort to understand the feelings, Mr. Bittman began interviewing other fathers. He came away with the impression that men tend to deal with the appropriate anxieties surrounding parenthood by denying them. This led to his teaching classes for expectant parents and, eventually, to his joining Dr. Zalk to write a book, ''Expectant Fathers'' (Ballantine Books, $6.95). The work draws on discussions with men's groups and interviews with 47 fathers, plus questionnaires from 162 others.
''They were pleased to find someone who was finally interested in their experiences,'' Mr. Bittman reported. ''Occasionally a man would contact us, saying he'd heard we were talking to men and didn't want to be left out. Our sense from these reactions was that expectant fathers often feel neglected.''
Still, times are changing. Just as fathers are playing more active roles, both in the baby's birth and in its care, they are taking courses in expectant parenthood. The 92nd Street Y, for example, is offering such a course for 10 weeks beginning Nov. 30 and plans to repeat it. The instructor is Dr. Wende Doniger, a psychologist with six years of experience in working with expectant parents.
Fantasies of fathers differ from those of mothers, Dr. Doniger said, in that the coming baby is often seen as an older child rather than an infant. Fathers also worry more about the cost of rearing a child. ''Finances are familiar to them,'' she said. ''That's safer than worrying what they would do if the wives go away for four hours and leave them alone with the baby.''
''Fathers,'' she went on, ''have not been given the opportunity to understand their own feelings during pregnancy. One problem is that pregnant women tend to be very self-centered. Wives should be more attentive to what husbands are going through, just as they expect husbands to be attentive to their needs.'' Georgia Dullea
Monday, February 5, 2007
Friday, February 2, 2007
Blood sugars
So I went to Ireland and told all the family who were mostly delighted but not all - that's a long story and one I might go into at some point but not now.
I'm back now and have gone public with the news so no need to keep secret anymore yahoo!
This means that I have broken out the elasticated pants - oh goodies, I love me some elasticated plants with no pockets. Maternity clothes suck in the main but there is some joy in not having to suck in my belly any more, it kind of makes up for having to wear soft cup bras.
I'm having a few problems with my blood sugar, it's too high in the morning and drops too low during the day, I know this because I have once again become familiar with sticking myself with lancets up to 6 times a day, I had to do it 3 times this morning I couldn't seem to get enough blood, out of practice. Anyway my blood sugar this morning was 140! That is 50 more than it should be, yikes people, seriously.
Apparently having GD this early is a bad thing for the baby, so I'm a touch concerned.
Other than that I'm feeling better in the main, more energy, less want to die nausea and thanks ever ever so much to Portlairge for introducing me to my new friend Benefiber, I owe you kisses with tongues for that one babe and I look about 4 months pregnant rather than 6 thanks to the relief!
Did I warn you yet that I am possibly the crankiest pregnant woman ever? I was a miserable cow last time so I am trying not to complain and whine so much this time, failing but trying.
I'm back now and have gone public with the news so no need to keep secret anymore yahoo!
This means that I have broken out the elasticated pants - oh goodies, I love me some elasticated plants with no pockets. Maternity clothes suck in the main but there is some joy in not having to suck in my belly any more, it kind of makes up for having to wear soft cup bras.
I'm having a few problems with my blood sugar, it's too high in the morning and drops too low during the day, I know this because I have once again become familiar with sticking myself with lancets up to 6 times a day, I had to do it 3 times this morning I couldn't seem to get enough blood, out of practice. Anyway my blood sugar this morning was 140! That is 50 more than it should be, yikes people, seriously.
Apparently having GD this early is a bad thing for the baby, so I'm a touch concerned.
Other than that I'm feeling better in the main, more energy, less want to die nausea and thanks ever ever so much to Portlairge for introducing me to my new friend Benefiber, I owe you kisses with tongues for that one babe and I look about 4 months pregnant rather than 6 thanks to the relief!
Did I warn you yet that I am possibly the crankiest pregnant woman ever? I was a miserable cow last time so I am trying not to complain and whine so much this time, failing but trying.
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