Not looking good

Had an ultrasound today, nothing to be seen but tech assured me that it's early and not to be disheartened. Then the nurse from my docs office called to ask me to come in tomorrow for another blood test - hmm, not good I thought so I asked why.

Well, she said, your hcg level was only 79 which is low.

Oh right sez I, would have been good to know this on Tuesday when the doc called to tell me the test was positive.

I've googled my heart out and yes smoked 2 cigarettes, because I've been here before, the every 2nd day level tests hoping to see the numbers double only to have it all crap out in the end.

So I'm not feeling too good, in fact I'm feeling shite, I've had a sense of doom about this from the beginning but I've been convincing myself that it's just me being a nervous nelly.

Maybe it is, at this stage all that is left is hope.

If you're reading, send me some good vibes because I think I will lose my fucking mind if I have another miscarriage. It will make this pregnancy #4 with only 1 child to show for my troubles.

Oh well, have to break the news to the big man, he doesn't even know I went for a scan.

A girl??

Madame Zaritska's reading

Madame Zaritska, our resident clairvoyant, wants to help you prepare for the arrival of your child. Here she does her best to predict certain aspects of your labor and birth experience.

What she senses for you
The day you deliver, outside will be sunny. Your baby will arrive at night.

After a labor lasting approximately 11 hours, WHAT! your child, a girl, will be born. Your baby will weigh about 7 pounds, 10 ounces, and will be 18 inches long. This child will have green eyes and be completely bald. Ah a little baldie!

But there is more. It is perfectly healthy and normal to want to look good, even during these interesting months! I sense you feel a little reluctant. Well, you're not being silly or shallow -- you're taking care of yourself. And I am happy that you are.

Well that's nice Madame, I remember doing this last time, wish I had kept it!

Am off to the doc this avo for a quick scan. Have been having bad pain in my right side so they want to rule out ectopic - don't think it is, am just a nervous nelly.

Am guessing it's just digestion issues, have been suffering with constipation the past few days, been trying to drown my enemy with Diet Coke - ha ha, yes people I know I should be drinking 10gallons of water each day, but I'm just not a water drinker, I'll have to improve I guess.

Day 5 off the smokes, man I hate quitting smoking, it's fucking hard, I don't care what Allen Carr says it is hard, this time I will not start smoking again, no way.