Ack fer fuxake people

Redmum has a post up today about a Trócaire ad being pulled, I can't even begin to express how pissed off I am that this kind of shite happens, so I am damned glad I have mates like RM with her mad writing skills.

Compare this to the bullshit with Dolce & Gabana eloquently reported on by Ms. Fatmammycat - ack I can't even extract a sane thought from my muddled brain.

Please go sign the petition.

Now on a less serious note, how do I extract sensible thought from my brain? Seriously (or not) people, I am at sea. No rhyme or reason, I used to take drugs to feel like this, if I'd only known getting knocked up would have achieve the same result I would've done this years ago, cheaper* too.

*Remind me to post about money soon, I do hope you're keeping a list, I've asked you to remind me about many things lately and given the state of my mind you will soon be reminding me to wash myself and zip up my pants after I wee - oh hang on - my pants don't have zips or buttons anymore, I've finally figured out why materity clothes just pull up, because we're not capable of remembering to zip or button anything! Phew! Maybe that realisation will make room in my brain for something else now.

I Dream Dead People

I do - every night, I dream about dead people. I know I mentioned this before but it's getting worse and is moving through all of the people I know who have passed away. I'm starting to dread going to sleep for fear of who is going to pop up and remind me that we all die! And worms will eat my eyes - SCREAM!

Nice thoughts to wake up with at 3am.

I went for a massage on Saturday with Catherine of the magic hands and mentioned it her, she suggested I ask my Dad, who has become a regular visitor, if he wants to tell me something.

So last night before I went to sleep, I did just that.

Dad, is there something you want to tell me? Something you want to ask? Are you just popping in to say hello?

I am fucking insane was my last thought before I went to sleep!

Dad didn't show up so I guess he doesn't have anything to tell me or ask me and it really is just my mind dredging up images and people from my life as I try to process mortality once again. In a couple of recent dreams both my son and my Dad were there, that was nice and even if it was just a manifestation of my sorrow that they have never nor will ever be together in reality, it was a nice manifestation so I say Thank you to my subconscious and could you please ease up on the morbidity, I'm kind of sleep deprived and it's causing problems.

Problems like almost slicing the top of my finger off when I was doing the dishes last night, I still soldiered on and washed them one handed - sniff sniff.

Problems like not getting shit done at work because I have the attention span of a gnat with ADD.

Problems like showing up at work with unwashed seriously grey hair* because I really seriously could not drag my sorry fat arse** out of bed this morning and barely made it in time.

So subconscious sweetie, darling, pet, a little break would be nice, just so's I can, y'know FUCKING SLEEP A LITTLE and not kill myself or someone else when I drive home in a daze this afternoon.

*grey hair - oh my good gods people, what am I going to do about the grey hair, it's fucking ridiculous! I haven't seen my real hair colour since little man was born, I had no idea (but a sneaky suspicion) that I was hiding old lady hair under there. I was, it's out, my secret is out, I'm 37 and greyer than my 70 year old Mother!!!! Looks real purdy with just a couple of inches of roots showing too, real nice.

*big butts mentioned again, I rue the effect pregnancy has on my arse. I have always had a nice tight little bum, I can remember with a mixture of nausea and horror the day I spied my bum in the mirror when I was about 7 months pregnant with little man, I couldn't twist around at that point y'see so I hadn't seen it in a while, nor was I really thinking about it, I was more concerned with my massive breasts and astoundingly huge belly. Then, I went to a bathroom at my childbirth education class and there was a full length mirror on the wall, as I pulled my pants up I caught a glimpse of something awful and stopped dead in my tracks, horrified. I nearly burst in to tears right then and there, that horrible thing was my once lovely bum! It's never been the same since, I have never found jeans that look as good as they once did cradling my lovely bum, it's sad people. This pregnancy I've been more aware or perhaps the decline has been faster, it's too awful to think about, so I try not to.

Tickers

See the tickers up there?

Yeah yeah I know you can't miss them.

Hate them myself BUT and obviously it's a big but (remind me to post about the other kinds of big butts soon) I cannot keep track my this pregnancy, I keep getting my weeks wrong and then people laugh at me, which is just mean and cruel and - sob - not what you should do to a hormonal pregnant chick - mmmkay?

So I made a ticker to tell me how many weeks I am and then I felt bad that little man was left out so I made one for him too. All sounds easy peasy eh? Fucking wasn't let me tell you, my brain is seriously fucked up these days, I'm amazed I make it to work with shoes on most days.

2 children

Rockstar Mommy: Blinded By Child Science

This post is my boogey man.

I'm terrified about having the energy for 2 children, I barely have enough for 1. Rockstar Mommy has scared the shit out of me.