Sorry

Sorry guys, docs appt was long, I'd forgotten just how much they want to know about you at that first meeting and mine was with a whole new clinic so bleagh.

I'm not comfortable discussing intimate details about my body and health history witha person I have never met before. I find it quite unnerving, it also brings up history and there are parts of my life - like everyones - that I am damn glad are over and done with!

Anyway, all is fine and well, no atttempt to hear a heartbeat becasue I have a tipped uterus which is no big deal but means you can't hear the heartbeat as soon as you'd like.

Quite liked the midwife I met, she seemed smart and engaged and has 3 children which appeals to me in a birth and pregnancy care giver, I'm more comfortable with someone who has been there themselves even once, never mind 3 times.

Am home from work thanks to Doctor King, child is upstairs watching Nemo so must not dawdle.

Thanks for checking in!

Doc Appt. today

So I'm 8w5d by my reckoning but that probably doesn't match the docs.

The poo problems continue but I have more of a handle on them now. Word of caution - no matter how tough you think you are, if the laxative says take 2 tablespoons - TAKE 2 TABLESPOONS fer fuxake, not 4 'cos you're a hard chaw, know what I mean? Nuff said about that one.

What else can I tell you? I have my 1st official doctor appointment today, go me.

Nervous about it of course, convinced she won't find a heartbeat and I'll get bad news again. Been reading horror stories about miscarriages at 9w2d and the like. I really don't think I'll relax until I can feel this little one kicking me in the ribs and then I'll complain about that.

Breasts are no-go zones, very very tender, little man keeps kicking them or bouncing his head off them for some reason. I know they're bigger but do they have bullseyes visible only to 2 year olds or something?

Will update after the doc appointment.

Happy New Year - 128bpm

Just a few days late!

Sorry for the break, Xmas and all that palava took me away from computers for a couple of weeks.

Didn't take me away from doctors sticking things into my private parts though, I'm way too familiar with the dildo cam - or probe or whatever they call it. Had another scan yesterday and there it was, in all it's glory, all .8" of it with it's little heart beating steadily at 128bpm.

I'm kind of in shock to be honest. I was bracing for the worst and hoping for the best as they say. It's starting to sink in now, I could actually have another child in a few months!

This pregnancy is very different so far, I'm an emotional wreck, wildly careening from rage to deep sadness in a matter of moments, it's weird. Night time is hell, can't sleep, am having horrible hallucenogenic dreams so I don't want to sleep, I can't get comfortable, I'm pissed off at everyone, it's not restful to say the least.

** TMI warning - move along if you don't want to read about poo **

I've gained about 5lbs which is probably more than I should have at this point so I'll have to watch myself a bit better. I think about 3lbs of that is poo to be honest. Sorry if tmi but pregnancy to me is all about poo. I suffer terribly from constipation, hemarroids, cramps and gas; I have IBS in real life so it just gets worse with pregnancy. This time I'm astounded at the
contents of the bowl. Last week I had a poo so huge it tore me, nice eh? Took forever to come out, to the point where I had actually started to panic a bit, thought I might have to give it some help and not sure what I would do really, luckily it made it's painful way out and I almost took a picture I was so shocked. I'm still sore from that one. It was followed a few minutes later by - no joke - another poo of about 18". Long poos I can deal with, big fat ones, no no no, they hurt man! And then I bleed and then I panic...with my history of IBS I'm pretty confident that bleeding is internal hemerroids, but when I'm pregnant, any blood "down there" freaks me out.

** OK poo talk over, carry on **

So other than the poo, everything else is pretty good, some fatigue, yes, but not as bad as I remember it last time, some nausea, yes, but again, not as bad.

Fingers crossed this all goes well, I've been torturing myself reading about other people's miscarriages at 9w and so on. I've read that your chances are low after you've seen a heartbeat so I'll concentrate on that for now.

I shouldn't do this

to myself but I've been googling miscarriage risks and gestational diabetes - and have myself scared shitless.

It brings it all back, that horrible visit to the ER where the technician did a scan and told me matter of factly that there was "no baby in there" well gee thanks Mrs. Compassionate. The repeated visits to the OB/GYN office desperate that this time they would find a heartbeat and it was just too early before.

Gods I don't want to go through that again.

Like I said before I won't be able to relax until I see that heartbeat, little man showed me his heart beat at 6w 3d so hopefully this little bean will be as cooperative.

Gestational Diabetes - pales in comparison, I ended up injecting insulin 3 times a day at the end of my last pregnancy and testing my blood sugar about 6 times a day, that all leaves some serious track marks people! Hopefully this time I'll avoid it by eating sensibly (yeah right) and exercising (in your dreams) and not gaining so much weight (54lbs people) that's the plan anyway, apparently once you have it in one pregnancy you have a 90% chance of a reccurrance in subsequent pregnancies - nice odds there.

Hope to avoid induction and c-section as well this time, but I'm getting way way ahead of myself so I'll stop all this idle speculation and just hope I see/hear those galloping hoofbeats in a few weeks!