Ready, I'm ready...

I'm ready little one, whenever you feel like making an appearance, I hate to say it but my body has kind of had enough of hosting you.

There's no room anymore, you know that already, I can feel you rumbling around shifting bits of your body trying to get comfy, I sympathise 'cos I'm doing the same and I've kind of realised that it can't be done now. Comfort is beyond us now babe.

I have stretch marks, big ugly purple claw marks on my belly, never had any with little man, well I had one but that's 'cos I left my belly button ring in too long and the hole kind of stretched so I got one there. This time and only in the past week, my belly looks like a tiger had at it. My belly button looks like it might pop too, that didn't happen last time. More reminders that this is not little man, this baby is different. I'm getting nervous now, just how different will this baby be?

A colleague had her baby 4 weeks ago at 37 weeks, he won't latch so she's pumping for him - little man was a great feeder, never had a physical problem breastfeeding, emotional, yes a bit but I got over that. Will this baby be the same? Will I struggle to feed him/her properly? Will s/he be colicky? Little man was a good baby, he had his moments, for a few weeks he cried from 11-1 every night. I've been assuming it will be easier with baby #2 but maybe it won't. Maybe we were spoiled with little man and now we're going to pay the piper.

I'm anxious and nervous and oh so very very big and uncomfortable. I can't sleep, can't sit comfortably anywhere except propped on the couch with 5, 000 cushions around me or on the fabulous lilac birth ball that big man surprised me with last week.*

I'm afraid this baby will be bigger than little man was (8lbs 10oz) and I won't be able to push him/her out. I'm afraid of the birth, afraid of life with a newborn and a 2 1/2 yr old, of sleep deprivation, of possible conflict and crankiness in the house ';cos we're all exhausted and adjusting to our new dynamic. Afraid that I have nothing ready, that I'm not finished up at work and not getting anything done, that they'll be majorly pissed off with me when I'm gone. That I'll leave something undone and it will slip through a crack and cause havoc.

I have no bag packed for the hospital, I should do that one of these days.

I scheduled an acupuncture session for next Tuesday and a massage for this Friday, I'll be 37 weeks so officially full term. I know the baby won't come until s/he's ready but a little nudge in the right direction is no harm - is it?

Did I mention that I have 3 sister in laws due soon as well? My brothers wife is due in September, big man has 2 brothers whose wives are/were due within 2 weeks of me. One of them had her baby yesterday, a little boy, popped out in 45 minutes her 3rd child. Maybe that's why I'm fretting a little, now that she has gone, it's getting more real every day, my turn soon.

Little man gets 4 new cousins this year, 2 already born and 2 more to come.

*I was so very touched, big man's not one for romantic gestures, the fact that he googled it and ordered it and had it delivered almost had me in tears. I suppose you'd have to have experience of an Irish man to truly appreciate the consideration and reaction.

Monday monday

Am starting to dread Mondays, the weekly go round starts again and yet again I got about 10% done of what I wanted and needed to get done this weekend. The laundry is growing extra heads and arms in the basement. I put little mans second last clean tee shirt on him this morning. I just can't get down there to do it. I have no energy none whatsoever, it's about all I can do to drag my arse to the car each day and drive to daycare/work wherever I'm going. Getting out of the car has to be thought about and planned. This morning big man bent down and pretended to eat little mans knee causing shrieks of laughter - no small feat at 8am - while I enjoyed the laughter all I could think about was how easy it was for him to bend down like that and get back up again without even thinking about it. I couldn't sleep last night, my back aches, rolling over is a nightmare, I can't get comfortable, getting up to pee is pissing me off, I've considered a potty but I'd never get back up!

I know I'm whining, sorry but I just feel so big and unwieldy I'm pretty miserable.

Had a midwife appointment on Friday, she did an internal, ouchie fucking ouchie. Nothing happening there, high and tight, was sure things were going on, am still sure to be honest, the contractions I'm feeling had better be doing something other than pissing me off. Babe is estimated to be 6lbs so that's not a big deal, if the 1/2 lb a week thing is a guide, s/he'll be 8lbs in 4 weeks which is fine by me. Midwife gave me the go ahead to try to get things going in about 2 weeks so big man is all excited, poor fella might get some lovin' for a change.

My tickers says 35 weeks but everything else I have (babycenter etc) says 36 weeks so I'm confused. I'll go with the ticker...

Updated to add: I just delivered a 3lb poo, I feel so very much better now, amazing how that happens!

Been away folks, up to Vermont for some R&R.

Had a scary day yesterday, major contractions, back spasms and just a feeling that something was going on. My mucous plug came out which I know is a sign for many people that "things" are imminent but 3 weeks before little man was born I was 3cm and 70% effaced, I assume the plug was gone then too but I never actually saw it like I did yesterday. Freaked me out a bit, even at 35 weeks I still check the toilet each time for things that shouldn't be there. But the contractions never came regularly so I relaxed.

Baby has dropped waayyyy down, feel like I need to poo all the time, which is not good especially because I have roid rage at the moment. There's a golfball size roid hanging out down there causing me much pain and discomfort. The last thing I want to do is poo!

Couldn't sleep last night from the pain, despite witch hazel pads and hemmie cream from the doc, even used ice which did help a bit but man am I ever tired today. Did some research on it and apparently you can get them lanced - sounds lovely eh? Actually it does sound good, immediate relief and all that but from what I've read the recovery is bad and can affect your ability to push the babbie out so I'll leave that alone and try to deal.

Found this today and thought I'd share, I've certainly had enough of people telling me how fucking HUGE I am. It hasn't escaped my notice people, I am aware of the enormous belly beneath my breasts, y'know, the one that has a gymnast inside. Honestly I nearly had to put the baby into time out this weekend such were the gyrations and contortions going on in there, damned painful!

Sending big love to Kendra, hoping all is well with her.

Thinking of questions for Emma and envying the cute little belly random mommy is sporting as I sit here in my really-shouldn't-be wearing-at-work-sweatpants-but-just-couldn't-put-anything-else-on today pants.

Pants

Ha - see that? I'm being punny!

I'm posting about my breathing - hence the pants and the dire need of comfortable pants to wear now that my belly is obscuring my view of anything beneath it - pants and pants, see? God I'm good!

Anyway, the breathing issue has improved immensely, am still a little short of breath, especially today at work, but nowhere near as bad as I was last week, I don't think the baby moved or anything, could have been allergies maybe? Or a virus? Whatever it was, it seems to have improved so I'm not going to poke it anymore.

Now pants people, pants, honest to fuck, what the hell am I supposed to cover my gargantuan frame in every day? Nothing is comfortable, NOTHING ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY NOTHING. Yes, I'm shouting and yes I know that's not nice, but I could weep with the uncomfortableness of my pants right now and I am wearing my previously sure bet for comfort pants so I am royally screwed.

I honestly, although I am shamed to admit it, did a google for Muumuu's earlier. Don't do a search for mumu, apparently it means f@nny to some people - who knew? I had to wiki the correct spelling. They look comfy but then I think my thighs would rub together and that would be nasty and I would look 20 billion times worse than I do right now which would really be saying something.

Am I really contemplating dungarees (overalls to Americans) could I really do that to my ego? Are they not a pain in the arse to unbuckle 20 times a day to pee?

Suggestions folks?

I wouldn't dare wear pajama pants for fear redmum would get on a plan and kick my arse. She had a post some time ago about pajama wearing teens, I can't find it at the moment, sorry, but trust me I've known this woman for about 20 years, I know she could kick my arse anytime she wants to.