in my belly

Over there ->

2007-12-07T06:56:00.000-08:00

Yeah the belly is no longer where it's at so maybe I'll get that other one going again, no promises mind.

Bad Bloggers go to Facebook

2007-09-21T22:15:00.000-07:00

Have discovered Facebook and am liking it a whole lot. Life is way way way too hectic with 2 kiddos to blog, I don't know how people do it! I barely have time to pee some days.

So I'll try I will but I doubt there'll be much blogging going on, I'm reading though :c)

9lbs 13oz

2007-08-31T10:41:00.000-07:00

Not bad baby man not bad at all.

Just back from the docs. She agrees with Sam, no water, acne will clear up.

Cannot believe he is 4 weeks old...it's all a blur, I'm trying to remember to stop and smell the roses.

4 weeks tomorrow

2007-08-30T19:03:00.000-07:00

How did that happen?

He's starting to look more like a baby now, losing that very newborn look. Still testing me though.

This post really serves to remind me why not to have another, or what I'm in for if I do, in case I ever start that nonsense up again in a couple of years.

Weeks 3-6 are tough man, very tough, was the same with little man and is now hard work with baby man. He's only nursing well over the past few days so my milk is only catching up now. He's full of gas, full full full, poor child writhes and contorts himself trying to get it out. My diet is bare bones and still he's full of wind, just like little man was. I think it's reflux, I'll ask tomorrow.

Baby man is also acne ridden poor lamb, his little chin is destroyed. Little man didn't have that, I don't know what to do about it - anyone? A friend who has 7 children told me to give him water between feeds to flush it out - I thought he was way too young for water and I'm having a tough enough time feeding him and getting him to latch properly withouth filling his little belly full of water. Any other suggestions folks?

Little man is still being good, certainly testing my patience but I feel bad for him too, he hears a lot of "in a minute" "after I feed/change/wash" baby man he's doing well but I feel like I need to spend some good time with him soon.

My back is broken, absu-fucking-lutely broken, lifting babies, toddlers, car seats, latching a fussy baby, all that good stuff = damage to the back. Must visit chiropractor soon.

Never get computer time anymore, compuyter is in the basement, smelly basement, don't want to bring baby man down here and can't really leave him unattended upstairs yet so apologies for not reading your blogs, I still love you and will come see how you're doing as soon as I can.

Right then, back to changing nappies and wiping arses.

Good gods

2007-08-20T16:25:00.000-07:00

2 kids - whose idea was this?

Am wrecked, shattered, mourning the loss of me.

Still enjoying baby man especially now that he looks and acts like a normal baby, but oh my...

He is currently cluster feeding every hour - yikes!

Little man still being the sweetest big brother ever.

Thanks for all your comments sorry so awol am sure life will calm down - it will won't it?

Yours in exhaustion,
Bo xx

Oompa Loompa

2007-08-13T20:42:00.000-07:00

Baby man and I spent his one week birthday in the ER having him checked for high billirubin. He was a touch yellow when we came home on Tuesady, even more yellow on Wednesday and by Friday's doctors appointment decidedly oompa loopa-ish.

Friday afternoon, I was having difficulty waking him to feed so thought feck this and headed off to the ER. I'm damn glad I did his level was 20, up 2 points from that morning - phew.

We were admitted and spent 2 nights there, it's a new pain watching your tiny baby have an IV inserted, not being able to hold or cuddle him except for feeding for 2 days. By Sunday morning his level was down and we came home. I think I held him straight for the next 24 hours.

The good news is that at this morning's doc appointment he is back to his birth weight and she didn't even bother doing a heel stick because he looks pink no orange finally. He's also feeding much better, he was killing me with a very poor latch. I'm still supplementing with formula to deal with the jaundice but will gradually cut that out this week and keep him on the boob.

We took lots of pictures it's the only time in his life he was have that lovely tan.

Other than that I'm adjusting, well we all are, little man is a dream, keeps telling me how much he loves his baby brother and seems genuinely pleased to see him when he gets home from daycare, slips right by me with a glancing kiss and goes straight for his baby brother.

I'm doing surprisingly well, down 30lbs, yahoo, had gained 40!!!! Might not seem like a lot but considering I was still holding on to 10 from little man, it got me up there.

So nice to be able to move, bend down, turn over in bed, not have to pee every 1 minute, I should still be pregnant ha ha I am so happy I'm not! Sorry to those of you still waiting, I know it sucks and I feel bad for you, really I do, but oh my gods am I so fucking delighted not to be pregnant any more - sorry I'm labouring the point (pun intended) so I'll stop now.

Am besotted with baby man, loving all the little noises, wallowing in the newbornness of it all, was a bit overwhelmed with little man as a newborn so I'm enjoying this time with baby man knowing that it really doesn't last that long and before long he'll be yelling at me to wipe his bum just like his big brother.

Newborns rock, almost 3 year olds rock, I'm a little blissed out.

Well well well

2007-08-08T10:15:00.000-07:00

So...on Friday Aug 3rd I went for a scheduled Non Stress Test at my docs office. I was feeling decidedly unstressed having finished work just the day before, yippee, roll on some downtime and preparations for baby sez I.

NST was a bit blah, the baby wasn't doing the 15 point heart accelerations they wanted to see despite moving like a demon. My cervix was high and just a fingertip - damn - so we chatted a bit about possibly scheduling a c-section for late next week. I figured, meh, I'll chat away with you but when I get home I'll do my own research and see what my plan is. She asked me to go to the hospital for more monitoring and a biophysical profile so off I went. Called big man on the way and mentioned that there was a slight small possibility that baby might be coming today but not to worry about it, my plan was to go to the hospital then go to my chiropractor do some shopping and head home for a nap.

At the hospital, they hooked me up - contractions every 10 minutes, yay me - baby still just kind of hanging out, heart merrily thumping away but no accelerations. Scan showed baby was practising breathing, had good tone, scored 8 out of 8 and had FLIPPED - what - hang on - excuse me - baby is breech? How the hell did that happen?

Back upstairs for more monitoring, still not too freaked out, cancelled my chiro appointment and called big man again saying half jokingly - you might want to pack a small bag for little man just in case y'know and maybe leave out food and water for the cats and the dog, just in case ha ha you know? Called the brother - again just in case ha ha. And then...dum dum dum...the obstectrician came in...dum dum dum...

All along I had been chatting to my midwife, a big advocate for VBAC, she had alluded to a small concern that the baby wasn't responding, but also didn't hide the fact that the EFM is notoriously unreliable and all should be well. When the OB walked in to the room at about 4:30 with my midwife, I knew I was in trouble, or more accurately baby was in trouble.

The OB was refreshingly frank, they didn't know what, if anything, was wrong with the baby, but they did know that the baby wasn't responding as s/he should and given that I had been moinitored for about 6 hours that day and there was still no change other than the baby flipping poisition it seemed obvious that the baby wasn't happy. I was not a good candidiate for induction due to a high tight cervix and a BREECH baby - tell me again how the hell a 38 week baby flips? - and that even though the scan didn't show any problems they would really like me to have the baby today.

No more ha ha has from I'll tell you!

I battered them with questions, you would have been proud of me, it's like I channeled all of the books and blogs I read over the past 9 months. The most important questions to me, was the baby going to be ok? What was wrong with his or her heart? What would the possible outcome be if we waited another day/week? They answered all of my questions honestly and straught up, I felt like I was in good hands and these people were not asking me to submit to another c-section for any other reason than they felt it was the best thing for the baby. That fulfilled my criteria so decision made and panic stations set in.

Big man arrived with little man in tow, brother arrived to bring little man home for a sleepover. I was bumped from the earlier slot so had time to panic, laugh, let reality set in and chat to every fecking nurse in the hospital who had ever even heard of Ireland on the map! Ah no, it was lovely, I was like a celebrity, I met Sheilas and Maureens and Peggys and Colleens, seemed like every woman there was "Irish" to some extent and they all came by to say hello and laugh about the fact that I had finished work just yesterday and only came in for an NST with the clothes on my back and my handbag. Hospital bag? Yep, had planned to pack that at some stage, never got around to it.

Called my Mammy too, started crying when I was talking to her 'cos that's what you do, realied then how scared I was, not for me, but that the poor babw wouldn't be ready, would need respiratory help, would have something wrong - oh god the possibilities were endless and all more frightening than the last.

Went in to surgery at about 7:30, had a chat with the anesthesiologist before and told her how I freaked out last time, she assured me that it wouldn't happen again, she'd make sure of it.

She put the spinal in - fuck me did that hurt! - women were doing all sorts of stuff, draping sheets, counting things, chatting, laughing, it was a party I tell you! My midwife stayed right beside me holding my hand, bless her heart. The drugs started to kick in and I didn't like it one bit, I couldn't feel myself breathing, I felt nauseous, freaked out and remembered why I was crap at taking drugs back when as well, I just have no tolerance for the good stuff. The anesthesiologist was right there, telling me how it was working, what it was doing and talking me down from my wooziness. After 10 minuntes or so I relaxed and started to enjoy it. I couldn't feel anything from my waist down except gooey warmth and it was kind of nice.

Big man came in, man does he ever look sexy in scrubs. He was busy flirting with the women so I had to gently remind him to hold my hand and pay attention to me. They asked him did he want to see the baby being born, he said no but I sad yes, me me, can I please? No apparently, spoil sports.

Baby was pulled out - phew - what a release.

They lifted baby up over the sheet and big man said...

IT"S A BOY, A BOY!

I bawled, he bawled, baby screamed his fricking head off.

Special care nursery folks whipped him off to see if he was ok, he was fine, absolutely fine. THey brought him over and lauid him on y chest, he opened his eyes and stared at me. There was so much activity going on, people coming and going, tues going in and out, who know what was going on, all I knew was that my little boy was laying there looking deep into my eyes as if to say - what what what on earth is going on, where am I, what just happened, we were quite happy you and I? Oh well there you are and here I am and it's nice to see your face.

So different from last time when I didn't know what had happened or who this poor child was for about 2 days.

They finished me up, more jokes ensued, wow I feel empty - that's because we have your uterus on the table, ha ha - oh, well could you put it back in please, I think I might need it again. Will you circumsize him? No no no, you need as much meat down there as you can get - yes big man actually said this to a room full of women, I thought some of them would pee they laughed so hard.

Recovery has been painful, not as bad as last time, but I'm trying to stay ahead of the pain, keep the bowels empty and not give in to it. We came home yesterday, baby is a bit jaundiced, not feeding too great but we'll get there.

I have loads more thoughts and feelings, I'll get around to posting them at some stage, but the crux of the matter is to introduce you to my 2nd son:

Babyman
Born Aug 3rd, 2007 at 7:57pm
8lbs 5oz, 21"

He is divine, his older brother is delighted and we are all home excited to begin our new adventure.

Acupuncture

2007-08-01T11:14:00.000-07:00

So, I went and had acupuncture last night including a session with some needles in my sacrum being stimulated by a little machine - a bit like a TENS machine I think.

I started feeling lots of pressure on the drive home and I thought maybe things were happening, I had some cramping and generally felt a little odd. About an hour later, my bowels let loose and I immediately felt better and the pressure went away. So not very productive baby wise but I was delighted to have my bowels cleaned out and certainly feel better for it.

Today, surprisingly, at lunch time, I got hit with the biggest contraction I've had yet and I've had one or two kind of strong ones since then so maybe the acupuncture is having a delayed reaction.

It's Lughnasadh today so happy frollicking and fornicating to you all.

I finish work tomorrow, yahoo!

So...

2007-07-30T10:48:00.000-07:00

Tell me, have any of you tried any of the natural induction methods?

Evening Primrose Oil?
Castor Oil - bleagh
Sex
Acupuncture/Acupressure
Massage/Reflexology
Spicy food
Eggplant Parmigan

I went to the midwife on Friday, she mentioned the dreaded *I* word - Induction. Seems the insulin dose puts me in the red flag alert box and they don't want me to go past my due date.

A risk of stillbirth - I can't even type that without feeling ill - accompanies insulin dependent GD so I can't fuck around with this. I really really really want to avoid pitocin induction so I need to urge this babe to come sooner than August 17th if I have any hope of a VBAC.

There's a list of natural induction methods here.

There's no way in hell I'm trying castor oil, I had reflexology last week and will try acupuncture tomorrow. Share your stories with me...please?

Cousins & things...

2007-07-25T06:34:00.000-07:00

Emma asked how many cousins little man has and I'm the type that keeps this straight in a spreadsheet so here you are:

Big man side cousins - 25
my side cousins - 14
total 1st cousins - 39 (this includes the 4 from this year)

Big man side Aunties - 5
my side Aunties - 5
total Aunties - 10 (not including in-law Aunties of which there are 7)

Big man side Uncles - 6
my side Uncles - 3
total Uncles - 9 (not including in-law Uncles of which there are 9)

Big man side Grandchildren - 27
my side Grandchildren - 16

Impressive or what!

All cousins are in Ireland except for 2 in England and 2 in the US (1 still in-utero)

Now you know why I want to go home, it's family family family and in my mind that's what life is all about. Who else will mourn you when you're gone? Who else knows you and loves you like they do? I know not everyone loves their family and no everyone's family loves them but I'm one of the lucky ones, there are no better people to spend time with in my opinion, none. I miss my brothers and sisters so much it's like a pain that never quite goes away. I live in fear that one of these days I'll get a phone call to tell me somebody has gone and I'll wonder what the fuck I was doing away from them for so long.

Ack this stuff is too much for me.

Ready, I'm ready...

2007-07-24T09:06:00.000-07:00

I'm ready little one, whenever you feel like making an appearance, I hate to say it but my body has kind of had enough of hosting you.

There's no room anymore, you know that already, I can feel you rumbling around shifting bits of your body trying to get comfy, I sympathise 'cos I'm doing the same and I've kind of realised that it can't be done now. Comfort is beyond us now babe.

I have stretch marks, big ugly purple claw marks on my belly, never had any with little man, well I had one but that's 'cos I left my belly button ring in too long and the hole kind of stretched so I got one there. This time and only in the past week, my belly looks like a tiger had at it. My belly button looks like it might pop too, that didn't happen last time. More reminders that this is not little man, this baby is different. I'm getting nervous now, just how different will this baby be?

A colleague had her baby 4 weeks ago at 37 weeks, he won't latch so she's pumping for him - little man was a great feeder, never had a physical problem breastfeeding, emotional, yes a bit but I got over that. Will this baby be the same? Will I struggle to feed him/her properly? Will s/he be colicky? Little man was a good baby, he had his moments, for a few weeks he cried from 11-1 every night. I've been assuming it will be easier with baby #2 but maybe it won't. Maybe we were spoiled with little man and now we're going to pay the piper.

I'm anxious and nervous and oh so very very big and uncomfortable. I can't sleep, can't sit comfortably anywhere except propped on the couch with 5, 000 cushions around me or on the fabulous lilac birth ball that big man surprised me with last week.*

I'm afraid this baby will be bigger than little man was (8lbs 10oz) and I won't be able to push him/her out. I'm afraid of the birth, afraid of life with a newborn and a 2 1/2 yr old, of sleep deprivation, of possible conflict and crankiness in the house ';cos we're all exhausted and adjusting to our new dynamic. Afraid that I have nothing ready, that I'm not finished up at work and not getting anything done, that they'll be majorly pissed off with me when I'm gone. That I'll leave something undone and it will slip through a crack and cause havoc.

I have no bag packed for the hospital, I should do that one of these days.

I scheduled an acupuncture session for next Tuesday and a massage for this Friday, I'll be 37 weeks so officially full term. I know the baby won't come until s/he's ready but a little nudge in the right direction is no harm - is it?

Did I mention that I have 3 sister in laws due soon as well? My brothers wife is due in September, big man has 2 brothers whose wives are/were due within 2 weeks of me. One of them had her baby yesterday, a little boy, popped out in 45 minutes her 3rd child. Maybe that's why I'm fretting a little, now that she has gone, it's getting more real every day, my turn soon.

Little man gets 4 new cousins this year, 2 already born and 2 more to come.

*I was so very touched, big man's not one for romantic gestures, the fact that he googled it and ordered it and had it delivered almost had me in tears. I suppose you'd have to have experience of an Irish man to truly appreciate the consideration and reaction.

2007-07-20T07:21:00.001-07:00

Kendra had her baby, she also had her VBAC.

Congratulations Kendra and welcome to the world little one.

Insulin

2007-07-17T12:00:00.000-07:00

Oh well, it couldn't last...10 units at bed time, not so bad.

Am doing my best with the rest of the day, just can't keep that fasting level down where it should be.

Monday monday

2007-07-16T09:28:00.000-07:00

Am starting to dread Mondays, the weekly go round starts again and yet again I got about 10% done of what I wanted and needed to get done this weekend. The laundry is growing extra heads and arms in the basement. I put little mans second last clean tee shirt on him this morning. I just can't get down there to do it. I have no energy none whatsoever, it's about all I can do to drag my arse to the car each day and drive to daycare/work wherever I'm going. Getting out of the car has to be thought about and planned. This morning big man bent down and pretended to eat little mans knee causing shrieks of laughter - no small feat at 8am - while I enjoyed the laughter all I could think about was how easy it was for him to bend down like that and get back up again without even thinking about it. I couldn't sleep last night, my back aches, rolling over is a nightmare, I can't get comfortable, getting up to pee is pissing me off, I've considered a potty but I'd never get back up!

I know I'm whining, sorry but I just feel so big and unwieldy I'm pretty miserable.

Had a midwife appointment on Friday, she did an internal, ouchie fucking ouchie. Nothing happening there, high and tight, was sure things were going on, am still sure to be honest, the contractions I'm feeling had better be doing something other than pissing me off. Babe is estimated to be 6lbs so that's not a big deal, if the 1/2 lb a week thing is a guide, s/he'll be 8lbs in 4 weeks which is fine by me. Midwife gave me the go ahead to try to get things going in about 2 weeks so big man is all excited, poor fella might get some lovin' for a change.

My tickers says 35 weeks but everything else I have (babycenter etc) says 36 weeks so I'm confused. I'll go with the ticker...

Updated to add: I just delivered a 3lb poo, I feel so very much better now, amazing how that happens!

No Insulin

2007-07-10T07:34:00.000-07:00

Did I mention that I left my glucose monitor in the office on Tuesday and so headed off to VT without it?

Coincidentally had an appointment with the endocrinologist yesterday and was freaking a little about being so irresponsible.

He laughed when I fessed up and teased me that it wasn't an accident. What a cool guy!

He's a good guy, I like him and no insulin for me - way hay hay - not yet anyway , was fully expecting to get a script yesterday and full of doom and gloom about the knock on affect on the birth but he's pretty laid back and while he said yeah your fasting levels are a bit high they're not that bad so give it another week with the diet and see how you are then - yay love him to bits!

I could still end up on insulin but every week without is a bonus and goes towards avoiding induction/c-section yippee.

2007-07-09T11:31:00.000-07:00

Been away folks, up to Vermont for some R&R.

Had a scary day yesterday, major contractions, back spasms and just a feeling that something was going on. My mucous plug came out which I know is a sign for many people that "things" are imminent but 3 weeks before little man was born I was 3cm and 70% effaced, I assume the plug was gone then too but I never actually saw it like I did yesterday. Freaked me out a bit, even at 35 weeks I still check the toilet each time for things that shouldn't be there. But the contractions never came regularly so I relaxed.

Baby has dropped waayyyy down, feel like I need to poo all the time, which is not good especially because I have roid rage at the moment. There's a golfball size roid hanging out down there causing me much pain and discomfort. The last thing I want to do is poo!

Couldn't sleep last night from the pain, despite witch hazel pads and hemmie cream from the doc, even used ice which did help a bit but man am I ever tired today. Did some research on it and apparently you can get them lanced - sounds lovely eh? Actually it does sound good, immediate relief and all that but from what I've read the recovery is bad and can affect your ability to push the babbie out so I'll leave that alone and try to deal.

Found this today and thought I'd share, I've certainly had enough of people telling me how fucking HUGE I am. It hasn't escaped my notice people, I am aware of the enormous belly beneath my breasts, y'know, the one that has a gymnast inside. Honestly I nearly had to put the baby into time out this weekend such were the gyrations and contortions going on in there, damned painful!

Sending big love to Kendra, hoping all is well with her.

Thinking of questions for Emma and envying the cute little belly random mommy is sporting as I sit here in my really-shouldn't-be wearing-at-work-sweatpants-but-just-couldn't-put-anything-else-on today pants.

Little man and the baby

2007-07-03T06:41:00.000-07:00

Found this excellent post so am sharing because sharing is good and makes little man "vewy pwoud o' you"

I do harbour deep concerns about little man's displacement when the baby comes, I had a difficult relationship with my next youngest sibling for a long time. I want to avoid as much of that resentment and anger as possible.

This is from Babytalkers.

First-Born Jealousy

By Elizabeth Pantley, Author of the No-Cry Sleep Solution and Gentle Baby Care

Question: Our first-born is showing extreme jealousy towards the new baby. He’s obviously mad at us for disrupting the predictable flow of his life with this new challenger for our attention. How can we smooth things out?

Think about it: Before the baby entered your family, your toddler was told he’d have a wonderful little brother to play with, and how much fun it would be. Then the little brother is born and your toddler is thinking, “Are you kidding me? This squirming, red-faced baby that takes up all your time and attention is supposed to be FUN?” He then “plays” with the baby in the only ways he knows how. He plays catch. You yell at him for throwing toys at the baby. He plays hide-and-seek. You yell at him to get the blanket off the baby. He gives the kid a hug, and you admonish him to be more careful. Is it any wonder that your toddler is confused?

Teach: Your first goal is to protect the baby. Your second, to teach your older child how to interact with his new sibling in proper ways. You can teach your toddler how to play with the baby in the same way you teach him anything else. Talk to him, demonstrate, guide and encourage. Until you feel confident that you’ve achieved your second goal, however, do not leave the children alone together. Yes, I know. It isn’t convenient. But it is necessary, maybe even critical.

Hover: Whenever the children are together, “hover” close by. If you see your child about to get rough, pick up the baby and distract the older sibling with a song, a toy, an activity or a snack. This action protects the baby while helping you avoid a constant string of “Nos,” which may actually encourage the aggressive behavior.

Teach soft touches: Teach the older sibling how to give the baby a back rub. Tell how this kind of touching calms the baby, and praise the older child for a job well done. This lesson teaches the child how to be physical with the baby in a positive way.

Act quickly: Every time you see your child hit, or act roughly with the baby, act quickly. You might firmly announce, “No hitting, time out.” Place the child in a time-out chair with the statement, “You can get up when you can use your hands in the right way.” Allow him to get right up if he wants – as long as he is careful and gentle with the baby. This isn’t punishment, after all. It’s just helping him learn that rough actions aren’t going to be permitted.

Demonstrate: Children learn what they live. Your older child will be watching as you handle the baby and learning from your actions. You are your child’s most important teacher. You are demonstrating in everything you do, and your child will learn most from watching you.

Praise: Whenever you see the older child touching the baby gently, make a positive comment. Make a big fuss about the important “older brother.” Hug and kiss your older child and tell him how proud you are.

Watch your words: Don’t blame everything on the baby. “We can’t go to the park; the baby’s sleeping.” “Be quiet, you’ll wake the baby.” “After I change the baby I’ll help you.” At this point, your child would just as soon sell the baby! Instead, use alternate reasons. “My hands are busy now.” “We’ll go after lunch.” “I’ll help you in three minutes.”

Be supportive: Acknowledge your child’s unspoken feelings, such as “Things sure have changed with the new baby here. It’s going to take us all some time to get used to this.” Keep your comments mild and general. Don’t say, “I bet you hate the new baby.” Instead, say, “It must be hard to have Mommy spending so much time with the baby.” or “I bet you wish we could go to the park now, and not have to wait for the baby to wake up.” When your child knows that you understand her feelings, she’ll have less need to act up to get your attention.

Give extra love: Increase your little demonstrations of love for your child. Say extra I love yous, increase your daily dose of hugs, and find time to read a book or play a game. Temporary regressions or behavior problems are normal, and can be eased with an extra dose of time and attention.

Get ‘em involved: Teach the older sibling how to be helpful with the baby or how to entertain the baby. Let the older sibling open the baby gifts and use the camera to take pictures of the baby. Teach him how to put the baby’s socks on. Let him sprinkle the powder. Praise and encourage whenever possible.

Making each feel special: Avoid comparing siblings, even about seemingly innocent topics such as birth weight, when each first crawled or walked, or who had more hair! Children can interpret these comments as criticisms.

Take a deep breath and be calm. This is a time of adjustment for everyone in the family. Reduce outside activities, relax your housekeeping standards, and focus on your current priority, adjusting to your new family size.

http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth

Gestational Diabetes - a myth?

2007-07-02T11:52:00.001-07:00

We went to the first of 2 VBAC classes this weekend.

I was a bit miffed because the instructor didn't really tell me anything I hadn't already read or learned and she couldn't answer any questions about hospital policy. She deflected all of those saying "you should ask your midwife" I have probably 10-15 minutes with my midwife every 2 weeks, I don't have the brain power to think of these questions when I'm sitting there trying not fall off the stupid table. The point of the class - or so I thought - was to have those questions answered, that's why I chose the one affiliated with the hospital fer fuxake! Yes I will call the hospital and tell them what I think.

In the instructors favour, she herself had a VBAC, kept the class size small and took time to talk to each one of us.

Anyway gripes aside, the class was useful for big man, got him thinking and concentrating on the impending arrival for 3 straight hours. We dropped little man off with his friend for a playdate, his first ever, so we had lunch afterwards and it was nice to just talk and connect with each other.

The instructor scared me a little by talking about the risks associated with induction and VBAC, so I've been googling. There's no guarantee I will be induced but my blood sugar levels are all over the place and it looks likely I will be on insulin by next week which does increase my chances of induction. Pitocin and VBAC is not a good mix, you're heavily monitored and probably in bed so the intervention train gets rolling.

One interesting article I found today is this one by Henci Goer which starts:

Gestational Diabetes: The Emperor Has No Clothes
by Henci Goer
Good medicine demands that diagnosis and treatment of any disease fulfill four criteria:
The condition has to pose a health risk;
Diagnosis must accurately distinguish between those who have the disease and those who don't;
Treatment should be effective; and
The benefits of diagnosis and treatment should outweigh the risks.
An entire medical industry has grown up around diagnosing and treating gestational diabetes (GD) in the belief that doing so prevents perinatal deaths, congenital anomalies, neonatal complications, macrosomic babies, and because of fetal macrosomia, birth injuries and excessive cesarean rates. However, diagnosis and treatment of gestational diabetes don't fulfill any of the above criteria.

Hmm...

It's a good read, if you've been diagnosed with GD you should probably print it out and highlight the relevant parts to bring to the discussion with your doc.

I am researching alternatives to pitocin for induction. Kendra beat me to the punch, she's a few weeks ahead of me so got here a while back.

I'm thinking a doula is a good plan so am off on the hunt for one that will fit in my budget of $0.

Your induction methods are welcome, medical and anecdotal, I'll give anything a go rather than be strapped to a bed with EFMs blood pressure cuffs, IVs etc... please comment....thanks!

Food for thought

Veggie Booty

2007-07-02T11:28:00.001-07:00

Well shite on that!

I love Veggie Booty and so does little man.

Recalled: Veggie Booty snack food
FRIDAY, Jun 29 (BabyCenter News) — Robert's American Gourmet is recalling all of its Veggie Booty flavored snack foods in cooperation with the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA).

The snacks may be contaminated with Salmonella, which can cause serious infections in young children, elderly people, and others with compromised immune systems. Salmonella can also cause diarrhea, nausea, vomiting, and abdominal pain in otherwise healthy people.

There have been 52 reports of illness linked to Veggie Booty across 17 states, beginning in March 2007. Almost all the illnesses have occurred in children under 10, and most of these have been in toddlers. Many of the cases involved bloody diarrhea, and four people have been hospitalized.

The FDA learned of the illnesses on June 27 from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, which conducted an investigation of the illnesses with state and local health officials. The outbreak is considered likely to be ongoing.

Veggie Booty is sold in a flexible plastic foil bag in 4-ounce, 1-ounce, and 0.5-ounce packages.

No other flavors or varieties of snack food marketed by Robert's American Gourmet have been associated with Salmonella contamination.

The snack was sold in retail locations in all 50 states and Canada, and also over the Internet.

-- Katie Motta, BabyCenter News

Oo-er missus!

2007-07-02T08:11:00.001-07:00

Mingle² - Online Dating

Hot as Hades

2007-06-27T07:27:00.000-07:00

I knew this was coming, this is New England, it gets hot & humid.

Boston current conditions
Mostly Sunny 89° F At Logan Airport As of 10:25 AM

RealFeel temp: Explain

96° F

Relative humidity:

51%

The real temp and the humidity are what you need to look at.

For my mates across the pond or anyone who uses Celsius, 96F is 35.5C. I don't really have a problem with heat, I like feeling the hot sun beating down. It's the humidity godammit.

Besides the frizzy hair monster, you stew in your own juices, you sweat more than is attractive and when you venture outside, whoa nelly, it's like opening an oven door and stepping in.

I'm at work where there's a/c (or air con to the Brits and Aussies) the gods pour blessings on Willis Haviland Carrier. I hope he is feasting on honey and nectar somewhere. He certainly deserves to.

He wasn't the first to cool the air, but he did deal with the humidity.

The Egyptians and the Persians were some innovative folks. Where I live there are a lot of historical houses from the 1600s, they have big shaded porches and small dark rooms, makes perfect sense, the only way they could have dealt with the heat was to close the shutters and keep the house dark. How the hell they coped with heavy wool clothes, corsets, petticoats etc is beyond me, poor saps.

Stay cool people, if you have no a/c get thee to a cinema.

Culture wars

2007-06-25T10:29:00.000-07:00

It's a tough one, anthropologists and doctors say "we" must leave the tribes to their customs, yet the custom involves burying babies alive if they have any deformity or if there are more than one!

These folks are doing noble work:

http://www.voiceforlife.blogspot.com/

Not worthy

2007-06-22T09:50:00.000-07:00

So very not worthy, I followed linky linkies to another blog just now and found a blog I used to read but somehow stopped reading, I had no idea she was even pregnant, never mind just a few weeks behind me and suffering many of the same maladies.

But that is where the similarities end - this woman can blog, good gods can she write and she has pictures too!

SPD, the pubic pain thingie I keep going on about - pictures and a proper explanation

Feelin the cranky, yup.

However, this woman like many others has fought a mighty battle to get to where she is, where I am, big and uncomfortable, and cranky. It is good for me to read something like this and remember that the cause of my discomfort and crankiness is a glorious miracle, something that many women pay dearly for and I have been given for free. I do know this, I have a dear friend and a relative who have both fought their own fertility wars (and won) but it is good for me to be reminded and remember the gift I have been given.

I have taken my medicine and apologise if I have seemed ungrateful.

1st week

2007-06-22T08:36:00.000-07:00

So this was my first week seriously trying to stick to the GD diet. How did I do?

Not bad until Wednesday I suppose.
Yesterday, Thursday, was shite, i just couldn't be bothered, I was hungry so I ate - sue me! I didn't test my blood all day. Yes I feel bad about it, yes I know I'm giving the poor babe too much sugar but man I was fucking hungry and toast with peanut btter does not cut it as a breakfast for me, I need cereal with milk and tea and then maybe toast with a banana as I drive to work.

I'm back on the horse today, had my measly brekkie, am fucking STARVING and waiting for my oh so crappy lunch, 3 slices of bread and 3 slices of meat with a yogurt to follow, oh yummy, can't fucking wait.

Sorry about all the swearing, being hungry does not suit me. Oh and I'm constipated too thanks to the pre natal vitamins that I've started taking again, woo fucking hoo.

Food glorious food

2007-06-18T12:22:00.000-07:00

Did you know that there's almost as much sugar in milk as in a regular soda? Nope? Me either.

Went to the endocrinologist today to try to sort out the blood sugar numbers. Lovely man, very personable, he has given me 2 weeks to try to maintain my levels myself with diet. He ouwl have liked to include exercise but I can barely walk with the pubic symphisis thingie so that's not really an option for me. He told me about the milk thing, blew my mind.

I am a milk addict! I love me some cold milk, morning noon and night, there's nothing better to drink in my world but now that I know about the sugar content I have to rethink that.

Also have to up my protein intake, not eating enough of that and supplementing with carbs 'cos I'm hungry all the time - result - high blood sugars.

So welcome to the severely restricted diet, expect many posts about how fucking pissed off I am to be monitoring every fucking bite. I'm not good with these kind of things, but if I want my VBAC I'll have to give it my best shot. BLEAGH.

Hathor the Cow Goddess and the Evolution Revolution » birthsmart series

2007-06-12T11:24:00.000-07:00

Hathor the Cow Goddess and the Evolution Revolution » birthsmart series

I'm a fan of Hathor the Cow Goddess, she gets it so very right with this series, well done that girl!

Pants

2007-06-11T11:28:00.000-07:00

Ha - see that? I'm being punny!

I'm posting about my breathing - hence the pants and the dire need of comfortable pants to wear now that my belly is obscuring my view of anything beneath it - pants and pants, see? God I'm good!

Anyway, the breathing issue has improved immensely, am still a little short of breath, especially today at work, but nowhere near as bad as I was last week, I don't think the baby moved or anything, could have been allergies maybe? Or a virus? Whatever it was, it seems to have improved so I'm not going to poke it anymore.

Now pants people, pants, honest to fuck, what the hell am I supposed to cover my gargantuan frame in every day? Nothing is comfortable, NOTHING ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY NOTHING. Yes, I'm shouting and yes I know that's not nice, but I could weep with the uncomfortableness of my pants right now and I am wearing my previously sure bet for comfort pants so I am royally screwed.

I honestly, although I am shamed to admit it, did a google for Muumuu's earlier. Don't do a search for mumu, apparently it means f@nny to some people - who knew? I had to wiki the correct spelling. They look comfy but then I think my thighs would rub together and that would be nasty and I would look 20 billion times worse than I do right now which would really be saying something.

Am I really contemplating dungarees (overalls to Americans) could I really do that to my ego? Are they not a pain in the arse to unbuckle 20 times a day to pee?

Suggestions folks?

I wouldn't dare wear pajama pants for fear redmum would get on a plan and kick my arse. She had a post some time ago about pajama wearing teens, I can't find it at the moment, sorry, but trust me I've known this woman for about 20 years, I know she could kick my arse anytime she wants to.

Home

2007-06-08T11:48:00.000-07:00

Am home today for the 2nd time this week...hmmm

What's going on?

Shortness of breath, yes I know that's par for the pregnancy course but I am only 30 wks and I'm breathing like a 60 a day smoker with emphysema. Earlier in the week (and last week) this was accompanied by dizzy spells and unbelievable drop dead weakness. That's kind of alleviated now thanks to vast quantities of water and an upping of my protein intake, I was anemic and dehydrated apparently.

Anyway, I spent Tuesday evening in the ER having a cat scan, nothing like serious medical tests to scare the pants right off you. Also had an ultrasound of my heart on Wednesday to make sure it's not enlarged. It's not, nor do I have anything sinister in my lungs, which after 20 years smoking and growing up in a house full of smokers is a major relief!

Am pissed off at feeling like an old lady (note I did not say little, I am anything but fucking little at the moment) afraid to go down to the basement in case I can't get back up, running out of steam half way to the fridge to get water, it taking me 15 minutes to work up the energy to get up and pee in the middle of the night. Seriously fucking annoying.

Am off to the doc in a few minutes to see if she can shed any light on this.

Anyone got any bright ideas?

FYI - I'm carrying waaayyyyy low, baby is practically at my knees thanks to zero ab supports from previous c-section so baby is not pressing on my diaphragm. Blood pressure is fine as are blood sugar levels, heart rate fine, everything else ok, so internets...ideas? Suggestions?

If I'm stuck like this for another 9-10 weeks I will go nuts.

Hangovers

2007-06-07T10:17:00.000-07:00

Fatmammycat has a hangover, she describes it very well. However I just left this comment on her post:

No sympathy from me at all for the hangover, you drink and have a great time, feck off you deserve that hangover!

I've completely lost my taste for alcohol see, and I miss it dreadfully.

I've tried to get it back but after two drinks I think blah why bother so I sit and listen to the slurring shite spouted in my direction and generally go home early.

It's depressing.

Not so much now that I'm big with child again, I have no desire to go out at all these days, people tend to stare at pregnant women in bars after a certain hour, but I'm sure it will return when this child is birthed and weaned in about 12 months.

I will get pissed again dammit, I will!

Bit mean I know but feck it, I have a simmering resentment towards people who can go out and get drunk. I'm not sure how much of it is because I've lost my taste for it or how much is tied up in envy of their irresponsibility or lack of responsibilty, y'know?

If I get sloshed (non-pregnant obviously) I have to deal with little man in the morning no matter how bad I feel. Most of my friends don't have children, they have dogs, some don't even have dogs, they have plants and they can't even look after them properly!

Sometimes I envy their lack of obligation but most of the time I think, it's all fun & games now in your 30s/40s and in some cases 50s but how much fun will it be in 10 years? How much damage are you doing to your body? I think that's what worries me most and stops me from doing it, the damage to your body.

When my Dad was diagnosed with a brain tumour, they opened him up to see if they could operate, closed him up again and told us it was pointless. The scary part was that they said the damage was 30 years old. He had done most of the damage to his brain while he was in his 30s! What the fuck! My Dad died at 67, that's way too young.

I'd like to live as long as possible myself, certainly until my children make me a Granny and even past that for a while, until I'm tired and fed up and ready to move on to whetever comes next or nothing at all if that's all there is. Pouring alcohol down my neck regularly in sizeable quantities isn't going to help me do that.

It can be fun though and I kind of miss that.

Maybe I should unclench.

Thin woman

2007-06-05T07:50:00.000-07:00

Spotted this on True Mom Confessions just now:

Inside me is a thin woman trying to get out. I usually shut the bitch up with chocolate

Excellent!

Here's another one:

Why do people call camping a vacation? I love it, but it is not a vacation. Camping is me doing everything I usually do at home, but in the dirt instead.
A vacation is room service, and someone else making my bed. Let's get that clear have not had a "vacation" in about 10 years.

Sorry big man but I agree, much as I like camping, and I do, it's not a holiday. I'm not saying, like she does, that I do everything when we camp, big man does the setting up, breaking down and cooking in general but a holiday, like the woman says, is someone else doing all the cleaning and feeding while we relax in a pool or on a beach and little man plays his heart out. Bliss - escpecially if there are no biting insects and/or a screened in porch.

Some of the confessions on the site are worrying though, I feel bad for the kids.

There's a True Dad Confessions site now too, it seems to be mostly about sex, surprise surprise.

Some of the confessions on there are deeply worrying!

The heat

2007-06-04T07:53:00.001-07:00

Oh gods, the heat!

The heat this weekend nearly killed me. Saturday it was so hot and humid I really couldn't move, seriously, no t taking the piss or milking it at all!

Had...no...energy...was...like...moving...lead...didn't...even...have...the...strength...to...talk...

Was BRUTAL!

Then there was a thunderstorm and phew did I feel better.

What the fuck am I going to do in July & August?

Slacker

2007-05-31T07:40:00.000-07:00

Hello, my name is Boliath and I am a blogging slacker.

Been away recuperating from life. Went to Maine last weekend and fed some blackflies. I didn't fare too bodly, normally I am ridiculously senstive to insect bites but when I'm pregnant I don't react as badly. Little man was another story, poor child had big red welts everywhere, yes we slathered him in repellent but it's no good, just like his Mummy the bugs like him and he reacts. Poor pet, the only one he complained about was his elbow which was swollen to twice it's size and obviously bothering him. He doesn't really know how to scratch himself so he would sidle up to you and rub his elbow on you for a while, I bet it felt great! I fed him full of benadryl to stop them itching as much as possible. They're mostly gone now. It's a total pain in the arse though, I fucking HATE mosquitos, hate them hate them hate them. It's just one more reason why I want to move back to Ireland, we don't have mossies back there and I could sit out and enjoy the summer evenings without flapping ay arms about to keep the bugs away. Did I mention that bug bites have put me in hospital twice?* It's no fucking joke with me, drives me INSANE!

Anyway, had a lovely weekend other than the bugs, hung out with good friends, met new friends with cool kids who played wonderfully with little man even though they were 10 & 8. He was in heaven playing with the big boys.

Tried to sleep in the tent but couldn't. No not really because I was too uncomfortable although that's what I told everyone and I was a bit uncomfortable, I couldn't sleep in the tent because I woke up freaking out both nights. I used to do this all of the time when we went camping, go to sleep and then an hour later wake up freaking the fuck out. I thought it was a combination of drink and weed but this weekend I wasn't drunk or stoned and it still happened. I was pretty pissed off about that. I slept on the couch in the cabin instead.

Pregnancy news is that the gestational diabetes is back in full force, numbers are off the charts, explains my crappy mood lately. Also explains the nausea and dizzyness I've been feeling. Failed the 3 hour test on Tuesday and have an appointment with an endocrinologist - ooh fancy - didn't have one of those last time, not sure what one is really but I'll find out soon enough.

*Annoyingly, I can't find the post where I talk about this - sorry.

Fun

2007-05-22T10:10:00.000-07:00

So to lighten it up a little after my earlier hissy fit.

This cracked me up.

Only 5,741 mi (about 30 days 18 hours)...not far at all.

Check out direction #57 - Swim across the Atlantic Ocean.

Wonder why they bring you via the UK & France?

It's official

2007-05-22T08:13:00.001-07:00

I am one motherfecking cranky pants wearing woman right now. I feel HUGE, nothing fits me, nothing, seriously, I nearly wore my pjs to work today.

I ache everywhere, I can't stand up without thinking about it and staying bent over for a few minutes afterwards. I'm constipated. I have brutal indigestion, I'm dizzy, nauseous, have a headache and am just fucking PISSED OFF.

I was a total bitch this weekend, I feel like I did nothing but shout and yell at poor little man. To be fair he really is pushing buttons right now and being a cheeky little bugger but still all he got from me and big man was negative attention so it's no wonder that he sought it, at least it was attention and not "go see what Daddy is doing" Daddy's busy, go ask Mummy for a yogurt" poor kid.

I'm just out of sorts and despite a massage on Friday I still feel shite, just shite and I don't know what I need to fix it.

How your mouse works

2007-05-18T12:46:00.000-07:00

How your mouse works - wait for this one to load and then move your mouse, it's worth it.

Thanks to Linkateria.

Had a doc appt today, am measuring spot on baby wise. Gained 7lbs in the last month though, not feeling too good about that considering "they" say you gain 1lb a week from here on in. I know I told myself I wouldn't stress about weight but I'm feeling big and unattractive and cumbersome, knowing that I'm the weight I am doesn't help that.

Still though, healthy baby is the goal, as long as I'm eating properly and sensibly I shouldn't worry too much. I think the sneaky treats will have to stop though.

Have moved to appts. every 2 weeks now, feels like it's all happening too fast, have the GD test again in 2 wks, if this all goes belly up and I'm on insulin again I'm going to be pissed off.

Must book VBAC class soon. Anyone reading had a VBAC?

Random facts

2007-05-17T20:51:00.000-07:00

The rules:
Each player starts with seven random facts about themselves.
People who are tagged need to write on their own blog the rules and answers.
Then you choose seven people and make sure to leave a comment on their blog.

I'm doing this even though I'm not sure I want to tell you random facts about me.

My random facts:
1. I have known my man Bigman for most of my life, we were friends as teenagers and knew who each other was before that, that's probably the thing that freaks me out most of all in my world. The fact that given this shared and common life we have led, we seem to disagree on very fundamental issues is the 2nd most freaky thing.

2. I feel sorry for cups and glasses that haven't been used in a while, so I'll use them. I try to give all of my belongings their turn at whatever it is that they do.

3. I believe myself somewhat of a connoisseur of public toilets, when I'm in them I frequently find myself mentally composing reviews of their cleanliness, designing my perfect public toilet etc. I am a harsh critic.

4. I have IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) which is probably why I am such a connoisseur of public toilets and write about poo so much.

5. I am homesick, even though I moved away from my home and have lived independently since 1987 - 20 years - I dream sometimes that I am in the house I grew up in and for a few delicious moments between sleep and wake, I can hear the sounds of people (sisters and brothers and parents) moving around downstairs telling each other what they're doing, coming and going, opening and closing doors, and I am in heaven.

6. When I do wake up from this type of reverie I am usually heartbroken, this feeling intensifies when I am with my family either they're staying here or I am there. Told you I was homesick, maybe it's more like family sick.

7. I am secretly arrogant because I am better than most people but I am too humble to let them know it and proud of that too. I got this from my mother and intend to pass it along to my children.

Well for someone who didn't really want to do this, I don't think I did too badly.

I know I'm breaking the chain and will not get my wish or something but I'm not going to tag anyone 'cos I don't think even 7 people read my blog and the people that do have already done it so if you'd like to do it -fire away.

It's midnight, I have to be all professional at 8am for a conference type of thing so I'm off.

Daily whine:
I despair of my maternity clothes, nothing but nothing is comfortable, no shirts cover my belly so a bit is starting to hang down like a gut, well it's like a gut becasue it is a gut but it's also full of baby so I can't exactly squish it into my pants. Suffice to say I'm uncomfortable in my clothes at the moment and want to wear sweatpants to work - can I do that?

I can relax a bit now

2007-05-15T19:52:00.000-07:00

So I've been awol I know, I had the biggest day of my work year on Sunday, a public event I coordinate that due to the weather, which was glorious, attracted somewhere around 35,000 people. It was madness, great, fabulous, fulfilling but exhausting. I crashed and burned yesterday & today and am finally getting around to coherent thought.

Best part of the whole thing was the golf cart I had to myself all day. This event takes place in a park kind of place, I normally roam around the 150+ acres during the day putting out fires (not literally) and taking care of business, but at 26w pregnant there wasn't a hope of me doing that so I got my hands on this little electric vehicle thingie, it was the bomb! I hated giving it back at the end of the day.

Anyway here I am again now so what can I tell you?

Indigestion is a beast, hips are starting to ache, still have the kicked in the f@nny feeling, but other than that feel ok. Feel quite big and had to go get new pants today, have developed lovely rolls of back fat under my bra strap so have put away all the handy dandy spandexy type teeshirts from Target that have been my staples until now. I know it's nearly time for the enormous tent like teeshirts but I can't bear to put them on yet. I'm not a big fan of maternity clothes, I don't look like a cute pregnant chick, well to be fair I think I did for a while, but now I'm beginning to look like a whale and I still have 14 weeks to go. Oh well it will all be worth it in the end.

I really am starting to get excited about the baby coming, I'm looking forward to seeing the little face and washing the little body. I've resisted the urge to buy stuff so far, mainly 'cos we're broke but also kind of superstitious.

Little man meanwhile is just blowing my mind, he's growing in to a little boy before my eyes. His development during the past couple of months has been incredible. His speech is amazing, he can count, knows his letters and colours, can write his name (kinda) and is full of ideas and chat non stop. Some of this is annoying, endearing at times but jaw clenching annoying too, the 'why' thing, jesus h christ and all the saints preserve me, how do you deal with the why thing without resorting to 'because'? I have done that, I've said 'because I said so' more than once, I feel terrible about that but man oh man I can't keep up. He is amazing though, I catch myself staring at him sometimes and wondering how I deserve to have him. I'm glad I do.

So how are all you folks? I see I've been tagged by random_mommy so I'll have to deal with that one of these days, I also see that Emma was getting orgasms at 13, what the? I didn't even know what one was until I was about 17, damn I missed out.

PSD or is it SPD

2007-05-04T11:23:00.000-07:00

Whatever it is, it HURTS. You know that pain that you get in pregnancy where it feels like someone kicked you in the crotch? Or you fell off your bike onto the crossbar? Or in younger freer days, you had a night of non stop shagging?

Well I have that, all the time.

I know it's the ligament stretching and all that blah de blah, I knwo my posture can affect it, I know that it goes with the territory but I didn't expect it so soon, I'm only 25 weeks fer fuxake.

Oh well thats the whine out of the way, on to other things.

My sister had her 1st baby on Tuesday, aw sweet, my baby sister had a baby, aw, he weighed 10lbs 11.5oz!!!!!! Yes you read that correctly, the child is half reared, he looks like a 2 month old. For the record, my sis is 5'2" on a good day and about 130lbs pre-pregnancy, she's a little 'un. She had a brutal labour, they tried forceps and then vacuum and the poor pet ended up with a c-section in the end anyway. Phew I say, fucking phew. I will not enter into that competition, he was born the same day as another nephew 2 years earlier who weighed in at 10lbs 5oz... fuck that for a game of soldiers... I don't want to win the who had the biggest baby competition among my sisters.

Congrats to sis though, in a fucked up way I'm proud she had such a big baby like a man and his willy kind of thing, oh yeah we breed 'em BIG.

Aw

2007-04-30T09:30:00.000-07:00

Am tired, cranky, and uncomfortable today so please enjoy this while I sulk in a corner.

Snuggley otters

Thanks to Just a little guy for that lovlieness

Hello folks

2007-04-28T20:19:00.000-07:00

Lots of people visiting, not sure why or where you're coming from but you're welcome, hope you like poo.

Hard Core sitting

2007-04-26T07:10:00.000-07:00

Found this on a blog browsing escapade, can't remember which blog led me to it - if it's yours, please let me know and I'll link to you.

Anyway check this shit out - mad!

aaron_clip02.wmv (video/x-ms-wmv Object)

Absolutely nothing to do with pregnancy at all and not even a small tiny whine from me today, unbelievable!

Spring has sprung

2007-04-23T09:05:00.000-07:00

Today is one of those days when you know why you live in New England, it's just beautiful outside, the magnolias are blooming, birds singing, there's a slight breeze but the sun is shining, just lovely.

Makes up for the SHITE weather we had last week when it rained for about 4 days.

I'm surprisingly cheery about the lovely spring that has sprung, surprising because I feel like shite, my head hurts, my sinuses are clogged, the yeast infection* has come back and yesterday I almost fainted.

Hmm....I'm not so sure I should have passed the glucose test. The almost fainting episode struck me as low blood sugar, the nausea, fatigue and desperate thirst also strike me as GD symptoms.

Or maybe - and please don't everyone yell at me at once - I'm anemic? I haven't been taking my pre-natal vitamins, those things plug me up like nobody's business so I haven't taken them in months, I know it's bad.

Anyway, I feel like crap, am cranky, headachy, moaney, pissy, big, huge, pregnant lady but all I can think about is spring and flowers and lovely weather, weird as fuck this pregnancy lark.

* this is way tmi but...em...the yeast infection is kinda like em...up in my bum rather than around the vagina - anyone any ideas what the fuck is going on?

Sleep, poo (not mine for a change), pregnancy and Larry

2007-04-16T09:22:00.000-07:00

I wrote a post in my head last night while I tossed and turned and hefted Larry* around the place trying to get comfortable. The howling wind and rain didn't help, nor did the fact that the little man stayed in his own bed all night. Yes I know I have begged the gods for him to do just that but he does it so rarely that when he does I think there's something wrong and lie awake all night listening to the fucking monitor to hear him breathe!

Anyway I forgot the post, I've poked and prodded my brain all morning to try to remember what I wanted to tell you and I haven't the slightest idea, not one, not even a clue.

I fucking hate that.

So here are some snippets instead:

Little man poo'd on the floor this weekend, nice! I took his nappy off and couldn't get my fat arse in gear to put a clean one on so decided to let the air at his bum for a while, poor childeen wrapped up in damp fabric/paper all the time. I heard him grunt and saw him make that face just a nanosecond too late, Moved my fat arse right quick that time. Had to give him a bath and clean the floor - serves me right for being a lazy git.

Had to go to the doc and get nuclear power cream/suppositories for the itchy fanny - yum! Seems to have done the job though and I might even have a shag one of these days now that I'm all better.

Had another scan last week to see the face, all well, still the same gender, had her check to make sure, still can't tell you. But I can tell you that my sister-in-law is also pregnant and having a girl - yahoo! You hear about these things, people adopting and then finding themselves preggers from plain ol sex even though every ART trick in the book didn't work - you never expect it to happen to somone you actually know, but it did and I'm thrilled and kind of laughing at them too going from 0 kids to 2 in 9 months, ha ha, that'll learn 'em.

* Larry is my body pillow, a cool $10 in Sears, served me very well last time and is doing his job this time too. Why is he called Larry? I have no idea, I came to be done night and big man had him propped up on my side with eyes and a mouth drawn in, he christened him Larry and it stuck.

James Lipton, what a FREAK!

2007-04-10T07:11:00.000-07:00

I'm stealing from random mommy who is stealing from someone else...which makes it right.

That complete weirdo freak James Lipton from Inside the Actors Studio, he creeps me out, he looks like he wants to lick dirty parts of the actor he's interviewing. I'm guessing he's a failed actor himself. Anyway these are the questions he asks famous peeps so even though I'm not as famous as random mommy I'm answering them too

What is your favorite word? Fuck, no competition there, by far my favourite and most used word.
What is your least favorite word? You, as in 'you did' or 'you didn't' or 'will you' or 'can you' or just fuck off with the accusations and demands eh? Oh - sorry some not so hidden anger there :c)
What turns you on (creatively, spiritually or emotionally)? Compassion.
What turns you off? Snarky arrogance.
What is your favorite curse word? Fuck again but to diversify a little, I like Bollix a lot - eh sounds rude, but you know what I mean, when you call someone a bollix, you really mean it, at least I do.
What sound or noise do you love? Laughter.
What sound or noise do you hate? Whining.
What profession, other than your own, would you like to attempt? Surgeon.
What profession would you not like to attempt? Banking.
If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? I know you didn't believe it, but here I am and you can come in, c'mon there's your Dad over there waiting for you.

Nice one random mommy. I know this isn't a meme as such but I'm tagging Emma anyway 'cos she likes these things. Go Emma!

F@nny

2007-04-09T14:27:00.000-07:00

The Irish sense of the word not the innocent US one.

Mine is burning and itching and genereally annoying me.

Any ideas?

Yes I know I shoudl go to the docs and put the oul feet up in the stirrups but I'm swamped at work and have a doc appt. on Wednesday anyway. Anyone any ideas in the meantime.

It's a damn shame 'cos I'm actually feeling pretty horny for the 1st time in months.

PS: If you can't figure out what an Irish f@nny is, the fact that I've used a @ instead of an a should give you a clue - no? Ooh interesting, it wouldn't let me put an @ in the label so the real word is there for all to see - I'm shamed!

Poo, glorious poo

2007-04-04T11:44:00.000-07:00

Seems like poo is on everyone's mind these days, I've been following blog links, as you do, and these posts really spoke to me.

I clearly remember the horror of my 1st post c-section poo. I sobbed, screamed and generally cursed myself for being afraid to take stool softeners and laxatives in case they affected the baby via my breastmilk! Rookie Mum or wha? It was the only time I used the Lamaze breathing I learned in childbirth classes.

I still produce a poo to be proud of every few days, it hurts, it's degrading but it's much better than missy connie stee pation's visits. (I'm afraid to type the real word in case she comes back to visit again)

Enjoy the poo stories!

Passed!

2007-04-02T10:36:00.000-07:00

Unfuckingbelieveable, I passed the 1 hour glucose test!

I'm in shock.

I'm also kind of weirded out 'cos I got me some spectacles. Apparently I have bad eyesight and the pregnancy has fuck all to do with it. I've been compensating. Thing is, I've never worn specs and didn't realise that they really fuck with your depth perception, I feel like I'm in a fun house, all my angles are off, it's like free LSD without the metallic taste and thinking my jaw is going to flip open like the guy in that toothbrush ad.

On another note and another update I suppose, my gum has finally reattached itself to the tooth. Only took 3+ weeks.

Now I have strep throat, nasty cough and acne, combined with my new specs, I am a sex goddess!

Mothers Diet may affect son's sperm count

2007-03-28T10:06:00.000-07:00

Jesus, as if pregnant women don't have enough to worry about. Now, it seems that your diet can affect your future child's fertility, see here.

"The concern, Swan said, is that high beef consumption by pregnant women may alter sperm production of the male fetus in utero, particularly at the end of the first trimester during the critical period for testicular development, according to the press release. Although sperm production occurs in stages -- prenatal, during puberty, and into adulthood -- the most important stage for developing semen quality occurs in the womb, Swan added."

Now, before you go getting your knickers in a bunch, the study is a bit rough, none of the men studied had difficulty fathering a child and the mothers involved were eating 7+ meals of beef a week. Mad though, the amount of shite in food these days, it's a wonder we don't all sprout 2 heads or tails or something.

PS: This is not my way of telling you the baby is a boy, I do have a son already, y'know.

Deal or no deal?

2007-03-27T08:33:00.000-07:00

Bastard fucking blogger ass, I wrote a long post about deals and no deals and fucking blogger ate it.

Well in short the gist of it was that big man keeps trying to trip me up and let slip whether little man will have a baby brother or sister.

The deal was that I would find out and he wouldn't and if he wanted to know he would ask me - so big man if you're reading, try to trip me up one more time and I'll tell you straight out and then you'll be pissed off and so will I, so cut it out there's a good fella - k?

The rest of the post was a sweet little story about little man trying to make a deal at bed time, I'll write it again when I'm not so cranky.

Gods am I cranky...mutter mutter...

Oh dear

2007-03-23T08:49:00.000-07:00

This has nothing to do with pregnancy I just wanted to share. Garrison Keilor of Prairie Home Companion and the Writer's Almanac which I listen to every weekday morning has got himself into a bit of a fix as he'd probably say himself.

I like Garrison, I like his voice, I don't think much of his poetry reading he soetimes gets it all so very wrong on that score but still it's a lovely 5 minutes in the morning.

He writes for Salon sometimes, I didn't know that and now I'm sorry I do. This is his latest article.

Now it's pretty obvious that it's sarcastic, Very Bitey does a wonderful job of interpreting it. Dan Savage goes a bit nuts about it and seems to have missed the sarcasm a bit.

But all in all it's a touch disappointing from oul Garrison and has spolied my morning enjoyment of him now - oo-er missus that sounded rude - anyway thought I'd share that with you 'cos it's pissed me off a bit today.

The big scan

2007-03-20T08:16:00.000-07:00

Had the BIG scan yesterday, the one where you can find out the baby's gender and...

I can't tell you!

Ha ha, sorry, we were still (arguing) discussing our options when the time came so we decided that I would find out and Big man and little man would leave the room. So I know but they don't and I can't very well tell the internet if they don't know so sorry.

I'm glad I know but it's going to be difficult to keep it to myself for another 20+ weeks!

Baby is fine, big - no surprise there - measuring a week ahead as am I so due date is moved forward to August 7th. Placenta is in front which is why I haven't been feeling a whole lot of movement, I was a bit worried about that.

Had a midwife appointment afterwards, met a new midwife - well new to me - who I adored, she was fab, just how you want a midwife to be, big, friendly, competent, capable and no nonsense. She said the GD may not be a problem, I have to do the yummy sugar drink thing next week. And best of all she reiterated that I am an excellent candidate for a VBAC - yahooey!

Took little man to the dentist for his 1st ever appointment, was cute, no work done or anything, just a meet and greet kind of thing, he got a sticker.

And then little man and I went home and slept for the afternoon, I was wrecked, the scan wiped me out, took all of the tension away, I didn't realise how tense I was until I let it go, I had myself convinced there was something wrong with this baby - phew.

Blurry eyes

2007-03-14T10:43:00.000-07:00

Sign of diabetes I know...hmm...

Can you get specs for blurry eyes if it's only temporary? Will that do more damage to your eyes long term?

It is only temporary isn't it?

By the way, just in case you missed my poo talk, I gave birth to a bouncing baby poo this morning, he only gestated for 4 days.

Dentists

2007-03-12T13:11:00.000-07:00

Another PSA from me, stay the fuck away from dentists when you're pregnant people. Now it may just be my dentist who seems to be a bit rough and certainly took her frustration out on me last Monday but when I went back today to say:

Hey lady, what the fuck, why is there a bit of gum flapping all round my mouth? Shouldn't it be like attached to a tooth or something? eh? eh?

And she said:

Oh right yeah, it's because you're pregnant and your gums take longer to heal and they're more sensitive and shit.

Not what I was expecting to hear which would have been more like:

Oh sorry there, I was a bit rough last week and tore right through your gum back there so it's no surprise you've been popping tylenol extra strength like tic tacs for the last week or so.

Stupid cow, she is so not my fucking dentist anymore. Doesn't help the searing pain in my jaw nor the gaping hole in my mouth that she so gently scraped out this morning.

So, be warned fellow big belly sporters, stay away from dentists (or maybe just my dentist) if you really don't have to go.

Ack fer fuxake people

2007-03-08T06:56:00.000-08:00

Redmum has a post up today about a Trócaire ad being pulled, I can't even begin to express how pissed off I am that this kind of shite happens, so I am damned glad I have mates like RM with her mad writing skills.

Compare this to the bullshit with Dolce & Gabana eloquently reported on by Ms. Fatmammycat - ack I can't even extract a sane thought from my muddled brain.

Please go sign the petition.

Now on a less serious note, how do I extract sensible thought from my brain? Seriously (or not) people, I am at sea. No rhyme or reason, I used to take drugs to feel like this, if I'd only known getting knocked up would have achieve the same result I would've done this years ago, cheaper* too.

*Remind me to post about money soon, I do hope you're keeping a list, I've asked you to remind me about many things lately and given the state of my mind you will soon be reminding me to wash myself and zip up my pants after I wee - oh hang on - my pants don't have zips or buttons anymore, I've finally figured out why materity clothes just pull up, because we're not capable of remembering to zip or button anything! Phew! Maybe that realisation will make room in my brain for something else now.

I Dream Dead People

2007-03-07T09:20:00.000-08:00

I do - every night, I dream about dead people. I know I mentioned this before but it's getting worse and is moving through all of the people I know who have passed away. I'm starting to dread going to sleep for fear of who is going to pop up and remind me that we all die! And worms will eat my eyes - SCREAM!

Nice thoughts to wake up with at 3am.

I went for a massage on Saturday with Catherine of the magic hands and mentioned it her, she suggested I ask my Dad, who has become a regular visitor, if he wants to tell me something.

So last night before I went to sleep, I did just that.

Dad, is there something you want to tell me? Something you want to ask? Are you just popping in to say hello?

I am fucking insane was my last thought before I went to sleep!

Dad didn't show up so I guess he doesn't have anything to tell me or ask me and it really is just my mind dredging up images and people from my life as I try to process mortality once again. In a couple of recent dreams both my son and my Dad were there, that was nice and even if it was just a manifestation of my sorrow that they have never nor will ever be together in reality, it was a nice manifestation so I say Thank you to my subconscious and could you please ease up on the morbidity, I'm kind of sleep deprived and it's causing problems.

Problems like almost slicing the top of my finger off when I was doing the dishes last night, I still soldiered on and washed them one handed - sniff sniff.

Problems like not getting shit done at work because I have the attention span of a gnat with ADD.

Problems like showing up at work with unwashed seriously grey hair* because I really seriously could not drag my sorry fat arse** out of bed this morning and barely made it in time.

So subconscious sweetie, darling, pet, a little break would be nice, just so's I can, y'know FUCKING SLEEP A LITTLE and not kill myself or someone else when I drive home in a daze this afternoon.

*grey hair - oh my good gods people, what am I going to do about the grey hair, it's fucking ridiculous! I haven't seen my real hair colour since little man was born, I had no idea (but a sneaky suspicion) that I was hiding old lady hair under there. I was, it's out, my secret is out, I'm 37 and greyer than my 70 year old Mother!!!! Looks real purdy with just a couple of inches of roots showing too, real nice.

*big butts mentioned again, I rue the effect pregnancy has on my arse. I have always had a nice tight little bum, I can remember with a mixture of nausea and horror the day I spied my bum in the mirror when I was about 7 months pregnant with little man, I couldn't twist around at that point y'see so I hadn't seen it in a while, nor was I really thinking about it, I was more concerned with my massive breasts and astoundingly huge belly. Then, I went to a bathroom at my childbirth education class and there was a full length mirror on the wall, as I pulled my pants up I caught a glimpse of something awful and stopped dead in my tracks, horrified. I nearly burst in to tears right then and there, that horrible thing was my once lovely bum! It's never been the same since, I have never found jeans that look as good as they once did cradling my lovely bum, it's sad people. This pregnancy I've been more aware or perhaps the decline has been faster, it's too awful to think about, so I try not to.

Tickers

2007-03-06T12:34:00.000-08:00

See the tickers up there?

Yeah yeah I know you can't miss them.

Hate them myself BUT and obviously it's a big but (remind me to post about the other kinds of big butts soon) I cannot keep track my this pregnancy, I keep getting my weeks wrong and then people laugh at me, which is just mean and cruel and - sob - not what you should do to a hormonal pregnant chick - mmmkay?

So I made a ticker to tell me how many weeks I am and then I felt bad that little man was left out so I made one for him too. All sounds easy peasy eh? Fucking wasn't let me tell you, my brain is seriously fucked up these days, I'm amazed I make it to work with shoes on most days.

2 children

2007-03-06T08:40:00.000-08:00

Rockstar Mommy: Blinded By Child Science

This post is my boogey man.

I'm terrified about having the energy for 2 children, I barely have enough for 1. Rockstar Mommy has scared the shit out of me.

For St Paddys Day

2007-03-02T10:55:00.001-08:00

And because my last post made me sad, here's one to make you laugh.

Oh Danny Boy Oh Boy Oh Boy!

Single Mums

2007-03-02T10:01:00.000-08:00

I just found this blog and my heart is breaking for the poor girl.

Redmum, Emma, you veteran Mums out there who have done it alone for some period of time, can you give her some advice? She specifically asks for it, can you help her?

I don't know how single Mums do it, I barely manage with both of us sharing bed time, bath time, etc... I suppose when there's only you, you just do it.

Single Mums you have my utmost respect.

Crazee Ladee

2007-02-26T07:22:00.000-08:00

The dreams people, oh my good gods the dreams or the not sure if I'm asleep or not hallucinations.

I cannot seem to stay asleep all night, it's driving me batty. I dream about all sorts of fucked up things, last night I worked out a strategy for a job I had 17 years ago, seriously, I moved peoples offices around, put up signage, revamped departments, the whole shebang. I woke up full of energy and ideas it took me a good 10 minutes to realise and then convince myself that I no longer worked there and never would again. Seriously I had to convince myself, that's why i mentioned the not sure if I'm asleep hallucinations up there. I didn't sleep for the rest of the night caught up in a trip down memory lane.

I've been dreaming a lot about people who have died, my Dad shows up every couple of nights, a childhood friend who died 2 years ago last month has been showing up a lot too. In one recent dream I was setting her up with a new boyfriend, probably to make up for the last time we met when I spoiled her drunken hook up and have felt bad about it ever since. I didn't know it was the last time we would ever see each other, I was nursing a 10 week old when she died and couldn't make the funeral, I can't bear to think of her death which was slow and painful at 34, it's too tragic. When she appears in my dreams she is young and vibrant but I know she will die and so does she. In real life she did too, but we never talked about it. Ack!

Anyway suffice to say I had forgotten the horrid morbidity that comes with pregnancy, I wake up weeping missing my Dad so very very much and furious that my children do not have the pleasure of knowing him or he them. It's too fucking unfair and makes me so very determined to live long and healthy so I can wrap my grandchildren in my arms - which is what this is all about really isn't it?

Pregnancy Horror Stories

2007-02-22T08:59:00.000-08:00

Suburban Turmoil: VOTE HERE!

Some are funny - well not funny ha ha but it's the way they tell 'em y'know?

Some are downright terrifying so be warned.

I'm not sure I ever did a pregnancy/birth story for little man, it was pretty shitty, I might do it on here one of these days.

Belly is fucking huge today, seriously ridiculously massive, it's all fat, baby is just about 4" long and 3oz or so, I look like I'm 6 months pregnant - ack!

Oh well...

Pregnant Men?

2007-02-20T08:52:00.000-08:00

I've been dealing with family for the past couple of weeks so have had no time to blog.

All is well, have learned to take 1 Dulcolax laxative, not 2 - hmm...

Had some bleeding at 12w but no big deal, had baby checked and s/he is okay. Have scheduled Level II scan for March 19 - have started to waver on the gender mystery, not so sure I want to find out now. What do you think?

Refused all tests, just want to enjoy the pregnancy (ha ha) and not worry about what might or might not be, if baby has issues, we'll deal as best we can.

Have found doc from Romania who is refreshingly old country, complained to her about my awful skin and she said "Oh it must be a girl!" not what I was expecting, I was hoping for a cream or a referral to a dermatologist, made me laugh though and set me up to keep this pregnancy as unmedicalised as possible. She's a little bitty thing though, I hope she can manage me when I look like a whale! So far not doing so bad with the weight gain, 11lbs in total at 14 weeks and 9 of those went on in the first 2 weeks so I've been doing well since then.

Not abiding by the GD diet at all at all, feck it, I'm not so sure it isn't a made up thing anyway, I have a link to a really interesting FAQ about it which I can't find right now but I will.

Read this today and thought you might enjoy:

RELATIONSHIPS; EXPECTANT FATHERS' SYMPTOMS

Article Tools Sponsored By
By GEORGIA DULLEA
Published: September 6, 1982

MORNING sickness, weight gain, backaches, food cravings. The symptoms appeared, only to disappear nine months later, when his wife gave birth. ''I was eating more to keep her company,'' he told the others in a class on parenthood at the 92nd Street Y. ''When she got sick, I got sick. Empathy, I guess.''

The man had experienced what mental-health professionals call the couvade syndrome. The term derives from the ancient, worldwide couvade ritual, observed in modern times among certain peoples in South America and Africa. In a significant form of the ritual, the man takes to his bed at the onset of his wife's labor and mimics childbirth. The ruse distracts evil spirits during the actual birth, protecting mother and child.

While the practice is based on pretense, the syndrome is very real, according to researchers who have studied expectant fathers. Unlike women, who have nine months to prepare for their new roles, it seems that men have been expected to make the psychological transition to parenthood overnight. It doesn't always work out that way, according to the mental-health professionals.

Dr. Sue Rosenberg Zalk, a psychologist and Hunter College professor who has counseled and interviewed many such men, says some are surprised by their bodily changes and mood swings during the pregnancy. Conflicting feelings of anxiety, depression, elation, ambivalence and envy are not atypical. ''But, '' she said, ''because so little attention and support are given to the expectant father, he sits on his feelings, and frequently they come out in ways that are self-destructive or destructive to the marriage.''

Citing studies of battered women, Dr. Zalk said that some reported being struck by their husbands for the first time during pregnancy. Other men deal with hostile feelings by withdrawing or by lavishing attention on their wives, as a parent might. Still others find creative outlets for their feelings, building cribs or painting nursery walls.

Expectant fathers may experience loss of libido in some phases of the pregnancy. A psychoanalytic explanation for this is that the wife, in becoming a mother, stimulates Oedipal conflicts in her husband, who then sees her as sexually taboo. Further reasons advanced for the man's depleted sex drive include fear of the fetus, fear of harming the mother or the baby, or feelings of inadequacy in relation to the magnitude of motherhood.

Whatever the cause, a decrease in sexual desire often triggers anxiety in men, perhaps because of the myth that they are not supposed to be affected sexually by stressful events peripheral to sex. At least that is how it seems to Sam Bittman, a Massachusetts writer, who lost interest in sex at one point in his wife's pregnancy.

''It's a pretty frightening thing, '' he acknowledged, ''and it has a ripple effect when the issue is not discussed with your spouse. Then everybody's threatened by it. My poor wife felt she was no longer sexually appealing to me. In fact, nothing could have been further from the truth. It's just that there were so many new feelings.''

In an effort to understand the feelings, Mr. Bittman began interviewing other fathers. He came away with the impression that men tend to deal with the appropriate anxieties surrounding parenthood by denying them. This led to his teaching classes for expectant parents and, eventually, to his joining Dr. Zalk to write a book, ''Expectant Fathers'' (Ballantine Books, $6.95). The work draws on discussions with men's groups and interviews with 47 fathers, plus questionnaires from 162 others.

''They were pleased to find someone who was finally interested in their experiences,'' Mr. Bittman reported. ''Occasionally a man would contact us, saying he'd heard we were talking to men and didn't want to be left out. Our sense from these reactions was that expectant fathers often feel neglected.''

Still, times are changing. Just as fathers are playing more active roles, both in the baby's birth and in its care, they are taking courses in expectant parenthood. The 92nd Street Y, for example, is offering such a course for 10 weeks beginning Nov. 30 and plans to repeat it. The instructor is Dr. Wende Doniger, a psychologist with six years of experience in working with expectant parents.

Fantasies of fathers differ from those of mothers, Dr. Doniger said, in that the coming baby is often seen as an older child rather than an infant. Fathers also worry more about the cost of rearing a child. ''Finances are familiar to them,'' she said. ''That's safer than worrying what they would do if the wives go away for four hours and leave them alone with the baby.''

''Fathers,'' she went on, ''have not been given the opportunity to understand their own feelings during pregnancy. One problem is that pregnant women tend to be very self-centered. Wives should be more attentive to what husbands are going through, just as they expect husbands to be attentive to their needs.'' Georgia Dullea

Moonrising (The Birth)

2007-02-05T13:59:00.000-08:00

Oh wow - what an amazing birth story - read and weep.

L'eggs Up And Laughing: Moonrising (The Birth)

Blood sugars

2007-02-02T10:00:00.000-08:00

So I went to Ireland and told all the family who were mostly delighted but not all - that's a long story and one I might go into at some point but not now.

I'm back now and have gone public with the news so no need to keep secret anymore yahoo!

This means that I have broken out the elasticated pants - oh goodies, I love me some elasticated plants with no pockets. Maternity clothes suck in the main but there is some joy in not having to suck in my belly any more, it kind of makes up for having to wear soft cup bras.

I'm having a few problems with my blood sugar, it's too high in the morning and drops too low during the day, I know this because I have once again become familiar with sticking myself with lancets up to 6 times a day, I had to do it 3 times this morning I couldn't seem to get enough blood, out of practice. Anyway my blood sugar this morning was 140! That is 50 more than it should be, yikes people, seriously.

Apparently having GD this early is a bad thing for the baby, so I'm a touch concerned.

Other than that I'm feeling better in the main, more energy, less want to die nausea and thanks ever ever so much to Portlairge for introducing me to my new friend Benefiber, I owe you kisses with tongues for that one babe and I look about 4 months pregnant rather than 6 thanks to the relief!

Did I warn you yet that I am possibly the crankiest pregnant woman ever? I was a miserable cow last time so I am trying not to complain and whine so much this time, failing but trying.

Sssh

2007-01-22T14:03:00.000-08:00

I feel good today but please don't say that out loud, the nausea, constipation and fatigue will hear you and remember that they forgot about me for a little while!

Will be heading to Ireland on Thursday for my Mums birthday party - yahoo.

May not get the chance to post again for a few days, if so, apologies in advance. Will be telling the family when I'm at home, should be interesting.

Bleagh

2007-01-19T12:03:00.000-08:00

Barely keeping head up, exhausted, nauseous, want to curl up in ball and sleep, wish I hadn't eaten at lunch time but was soooo veryyyy hungreeeeee.

Whose stupid idea was it to get pregnant again?

More Poo!!

2007-01-16T17:06:00.001-08:00

Thanks to linkateria, very topical!

Sorry

2007-01-15T08:26:00.000-08:00

Sorry guys, docs appt was long, I'd forgotten just how much they want to know about you at that first meeting and mine was with a whole new clinic so bleagh.

I'm not comfortable discussing intimate details about my body and health history witha person I have never met before. I find it quite unnerving, it also brings up history and there are parts of my life - like everyones - that I am damn glad are over and done with!

Anyway, all is fine and well, no atttempt to hear a heartbeat becasue I have a tipped uterus which is no big deal but means you can't hear the heartbeat as soon as you'd like.

Quite liked the midwife I met, she seemed smart and engaged and has 3 children which appeals to me in a birth and pregnancy care giver, I'm more comfortable with someone who has been there themselves even once, never mind 3 times.

Am home from work thanks to Doctor King, child is upstairs watching Nemo so must not dawdle.

Thanks for checking in!

Doc Appt. today

2007-01-12T10:55:00.000-08:00

So I'm 8w5d by my reckoning but that probably doesn't match the docs.

The poo problems continue but I have more of a handle on them now. Word of caution - no matter how tough you think you are, if the laxative says take 2 tablespoons - TAKE 2 TABLESPOONS fer fuxake, not 4 'cos you're a hard chaw, know what I mean? Nuff said about that one.

What else can I tell you? I have my 1st official doctor appointment today, go me.

Nervous about it of course, convinced she won't find a heartbeat and I'll get bad news again. Been reading horror stories about miscarriages at 9w2d and the like. I really don't think I'll relax until I can feel this little one kicking me in the ribs and then I'll complain about that.

Breasts are no-go zones, very very tender, little man keeps kicking them or bouncing his head off them for some reason. I know they're bigger but do they have bullseyes visible only to 2 year olds or something?

Will update after the doc appointment.

Bummer

2007-01-04T12:01:00.000-08:00

I kind of regard this as a PSA for other IBS sufferers out there so sorry again if it's too much info for you but man is my world down there going through some chaos!

I had bad problems with constipation with little mans pregnancy and it's back with a vengance this time, only it's accompanied by quite a lot of bleeding. I'm used to re.ctal bleeding from time to time, I've had all sorts of tests and my favourite - an@l exams and even cameras! They all show nothing to worry about so the diagnosis has been internal hemorrhoids (yes I know how to spell it, sorry for messing that up in the last post) and as long as it's not too much they've said not to worry.

For the past few days I've been continuing my enormous poo productions and they've been accompanied by quite a lot of bright red blood - pah sez I, normal, nothing to see here folks, move along. But it's been getting worse not better so I called the doc. I'm waiting for a call back and can assume that I'll be exposing my nether regions to the delights of probing fingers again in the next 24 hours. I'm hoping that will be all and they'll tell me to drink more water, eat more fiber and try not to strain - HAH! You think I don't know this? I think I've torn something, to be honest, and it's just being aggravated each time I pass a stool, especially the big ones.

TMI?

I know, I know, but considering the googling I've done on this it's a concern for a lot of people and seeing blood in the bowl is definitely worrying so I consider this my good deed for other pregnant IBS women out there. If you are or have been one, step right up and let me know what worked and didn't for you.

PS I'm using rec.tal and an@l just 'cos I want to keep the pervs away, not from any sense of modesty on my behalf.

Happy New Year - 128bpm

2007-01-03T06:35:00.000-08:00

Just a few days late!

Sorry for the break, Xmas and all that palava took me away from computers for a couple of weeks.

Didn't take me away from doctors sticking things into my private parts though, I'm way too familiar with the dildo cam - or probe or whatever they call it. Had another scan yesterday and there it was, in all it's glory, all .8" of it with it's little heart beating steadily at 128bpm.

I'm kind of in shock to be honest. I was bracing for the worst and hoping for the best as they say. It's starting to sink in now, I could actually have another child in a few months!

This pregnancy is very different so far, I'm an emotional wreck, wildly careening from rage to deep sadness in a matter of moments, it's weird. Night time is hell, can't sleep, am having horrible hallucenogenic dreams so I don't want to sleep, I can't get comfortable, I'm pissed off at everyone, it's not restful to say the least.

** TMI warning - move along if you don't want to read about poo **

I've gained about 5lbs which is probably more than I should have at this point so I'll have to watch myself a bit better. I think about 3lbs of that is poo to be honest. Sorry if tmi but pregnancy to me is all about poo. I suffer terribly from constipation, hemarroids, cramps and gas; I have IBS in real life so it just gets worse with pregnancy. This time I'm astounded at the
contents of the bowl. Last week I had a poo so huge it tore me, nice eh? Took forever to come out, to the point where I had actually started to panic a bit, thought I might have to give it some help and not sure what I would do really, luckily it made it's painful way out and I almost took a picture I was so shocked. I'm still sore from that one. It was followed a few minutes later by - no joke - another poo of about 18". Long poos I can deal with, big fat ones, no no no, they hurt man! And then I bleed and then I panic...with my history of IBS I'm pretty confident that bleeding is internal hemerroids, but when I'm pregnant, any blood "down there" freaks me out.

** OK poo talk over, carry on **

So other than the poo, everything else is pretty good, some fatigue, yes, but not as bad as I remember it last time, some nausea, yes, but again, not as bad.

Fingers crossed this all goes well, I've been torturing myself reading about other people's miscarriages at 9w and so on. I've read that your chances are low after you've seen a heartbeat so I'll concentrate on that for now.

Finding out the gender

2006-12-20T07:44:00.000-08:00

Sparked a bit of a tantrum in our house last night when I mentioned to big man that I would like to find out the gender this time.

We didn't last time because he didn't want to and I figured that you can change not knowing but not take back knowing - hope that makes sense. I had scans every couple of days at the end because of the GD so could have found out at any time but at the stage there was no point in finding out, I would soon enough anyway.

This time it's different, if I'm having another boy I want to know ahead of time so that I can prepare. Not that I will love another son any less but I do so want a girl, one of each, perfecto and all that, and to be honest, I'm afraid if it's another boy and that is announced to me in the delivery room I might show some small disappointment, however fleeting it is I don't want my child to feel that even for a nanosecond so I'd prefer to know beforehand.

Big man doesn't see it that way, but then again he rarely sees things my way so I expected this. I could do without the tantrums though, the little man does enough of those, I don't need the 6' version doing an encore!

I'm not even 100% sure I want to find out, and there is the chance as has just happened with my sister (due in April) that the babe will not cooperate at the Level II scan and keep his or her legs crossed, but big mans reaction last night could just make me dig my heels in! Me? Stubborn? There's a pair of us in it!

Well well well Beta #3

2006-12-19T09:37:00.000-08:00

Beta #3 taken this morning was 1264

Again from http://babymed.com/pregnancy%2Dtools/hcg/

First hCG: 237 mIU/ml Second hCG: 1264 mIU/ml
hCG Difference: 1027 mIU/ml
Time Difference: 96 hours
Total hCG Increase: 433 % (5.3)
Daily Rate Increase: 52% (1.52)
Two Day Rate Increase: 131% (2.31)

Assessment: The Two-Day hCG rise was 131% and is considered adequate.

YAHOO - guess that means I better start taking this seriously!

Not that I haven't been taking my vitamins and all that but after the drama of last Tursday and Friday I kind of braced myself for the worst y'know.

I don't have terrible pregnancy symptoms, sore breasts, seriously bad gass, am farting machine, but other than that, I'm fine. That was worrying me, but it's early days so I should just be quiet now and appreciate the life growing inside me - good gods did I just say that?

Anyway great news, am thrilled, feel like I have been holding my breath for days!

Beta #2

2006-12-15T17:52:00.000-08:00

Well, all is not lost it seems, blood drawn today gave an hcg level of 237, up from 79 4 days ago which according to this calculator is "The Two-Day hCG rise was 73% and is considered adequate."

Still not out of the woods, when I went for an appt. with the OBGYN the nurse said "so, you're here for a missed abortion consult" - nice! No sez I, I'm still pregnant as far as I know, do you know something I don't?

Silly cow, it was all I could do not to slap her hard.

The doc was nice, said don't worry the numbers are good, it's too early to see anything in the scan. Come back again on Tuesday dn have more blood drawn and we'll see how the levels are.

So I'm feeling more hopeful but not letting my guard down yet. Until I see that heartbeat I won't relax and even then probably.

Best mate has been a rock, she of the twins, she's been through 3 pregnancies with me now, 1 ended badly, 1 gave me my son and now this. Couldn't survive without her.

So I'm going to try to enjoy the weekend and stay calm until Tuesday.

Symptoms today - enormous poos, yeah seriously, enormous, still farting up a storm, tmi? Sorry, but it's the real deal and I wish someone had told me about these things when I first got pregnant, hey sister you will fart and poo for Ireland for the next year or so - oh great, thats' a relief! Breasts still painful but not at the levels they were last time when I had to strap them down before bed, if the sheet brushed them I screamed in pain, not there but it could come yet. Breasts are such wonderful creations aren't they? Breastfeeding my son was one of the most rewarding aspects of pregnancy/birth for me.

Anyhoo that's it, obviously mentally in a better place than yesterday and physically not too bad either, have had a few too many hands up my hoohaa lately but them's the breaks.

PS: The sexy dreams have kicked in, yahoo!

Not looking good

2006-12-14T17:51:00.000-08:00

Had an ultrasound today, nothing to be seen but tech assured me that it's early and not to be disheartened. Then the nurse from my docs office called to ask me to come in tomorrow for another blood test - hmm, not good I thought so I asked why.

Well, she said, your hcg level was only 79 which is low.

Oh right sez I, would have been good to know this on Tuesday when the doc called to tell me the test was positive.

I've googled my heart out and yes smoked 2 cigarettes, because I've been here before, the every 2nd day level tests hoping to see the numbers double only to have it all crap out in the end.

So I'm not feeling too good, in fact I'm feeling shite, I've had a sense of doom about this from the beginning but I've been convincing myself that it's just me being a nervous nelly.

Maybe it is, at this stage all that is left is hope.

If you're reading, send me some good vibes because I think I will lose my fucking mind if I have another miscarriage. It will make this pregnancy #4 with only 1 child to show for my troubles.

Oh well, have to break the news to the big man, he doesn't even know I went for a scan.

A girl??

2006-12-14T11:21:00.000-08:00

Madame Zaritska's reading

Madame Zaritska, our resident clairvoyant, wants to help you prepare for the arrival of your child. Here she does her best to predict certain aspects of your labor and birth experience.

What she senses for you
The day you deliver, outside will be sunny. Your baby will arrive at night.

After a labor lasting approximately 11 hours, WHAT! your child, a girl, will be born. Your baby will weigh about 7 pounds, 10 ounces, and will be 18 inches long. This child will have green eyes and be completely bald. Ah a little baldie!

But there is more. It is perfectly healthy and normal to want to look good, even during these interesting months! I sense you feel a little reluctant. Well, you're not being silly or shallow -- you're taking care of yourself. And I am happy that you are.

Well that's nice Madame, I remember doing this last time, wish I had kept it!

Am off to the doc this avo for a quick scan. Have been having bad pain in my right side so they want to rule out ectopic - don't think it is, am just a nervous nelly.

Am guessing it's just digestion issues, have been suffering with constipation the past few days, been trying to drown my enemy with Diet Coke - ha ha, yes people I know I should be drinking 10gallons of water each day, but I'm just not a water drinker, I'll have to improve I guess.

Day 5 off the smokes, man I hate quitting smoking, it's fucking hard, I don't care what Allen Carr says it is hard, this time I will not start smoking again, no way.

ooh feeling the morning sickness

2006-12-13T07:57:00.000-08:00

first bout of morning sickness today - not terribly bad just there and a reminder of how bad it can get.

I remember weeks 6-9 being brutal last time, I'm in week 5 now so fearing the worst for next week, have been attempting to head issues off at the pass, had a lovely bowl of oatmeal this morning and been filling my face with oranges since then. No bananas though, too high in sugar.

Dug out my Healthy Eating in Pregnancy book last night so will do my best to stick to a sensible low sugar diet and avoid being an insulin junkie.

In other news, my brother and his wife had their court date in Russia today to adopt their little boy, seems like they will get to pick him up earlier than expected and could even be home with him for Xmas - what joy!

My sister-in-law and my best friends struggles with infertility have really opened my eyes, it's a cruel affliction and my heart breaks for people who try so hard to do something that other folk take for granted. My best mate has twin boys now and my sister in law finally has her little boy within her sights, happy endings all round and hopefully some salve for the battle wounds.

Say it again sister!

2006-12-12T11:38:00.000-08:00

Antique Mommy says it so well...

I’ve grown fat in the nearly three years I’ve been a parent. Not so much from eating after my own child, which I said I would never do, but I do -- but from eating my own words.

I remember when I was about seven months pregnant, Antique Daddy and I were playing cards with some friends. With my child tucked safely inside my womb, I was still free to waddle up to my soapbox and spout off all the idealistic things I would never do that those other horrible, less diligent parents allow their children to do.

I'm trying my best to be better with this pregnancy. Obviously my eyes have been opened to the reality of labour and birth plans gone awry and television is regular in our house, I didn't actually imagine that I wouldn't let my child watch tv, I'm a big fan of tv myself but I am guilty of raised eyebrows and smug, well when I have have my child, I won't...comments.

You live and learn eh?

So in a pregnancy journalling kinda way - am having weird ass dreams really freaky scary violent types that freak me the fuck out in the middle of the night. Last time I remember big man saving me from all sorts of monsters in the middle of the night. He's not so saviourish this time, more like Hrumph she went and got herself knocked up again so she doesn't have to do any heavy lifting, hrumph... well he's probably not thinking that but that's what's coming across big man - oh yes it is.

Strangely I'm getting all tied up in the We're not married game again, doesn't bother me unless I'm pregnant it seems. Bothering me now, bothered me last time, will hopefully get over myself pretty quickly.

Physical symptoms - ravenous hunger first thing in the morning, crampy lower belly, bad gas, man oh man do not stand up wind of me people, phew!

Got the official yes you're up the pole confirmation from the doc earlier today, nice! Starting to believe it now. Made 1st appt. for Dec 27th, they tried to hold me off until Jan 12 but I said no way, I'm a nervous nelly and I want in to see someone asap. Bit peeved 'cos they don't have ultrasound facilities at this place so will have to travel for them, slight inconvenience.

Anyhoo, other than all that, delighted that it's not just me imagining lines on sticks, I really am pregnant - mad!

I shouldn't do this

2006-12-11T11:47:00.000-08:00

to myself but I've been googling miscarriage risks and gestational diabetes - and have myself scared shitless.

It brings it all back, that horrible visit to the ER where the technician did a scan and told me matter of factly that there was "no baby in there" well gee thanks Mrs. Compassionate. The repeated visits to the OB/GYN office desperate that this time they would find a heartbeat and it was just too early before.

Gods I don't want to go through that again.

Like I said before I won't be able to relax until I see that heartbeat, little man showed me his heart beat at 6w 3d so hopefully this little bean will be as cooperative.

Gestational Diabetes - pales in comparison, I ended up injecting insulin 3 times a day at the end of my last pregnancy and testing my blood sugar about 6 times a day, that all leaves some serious track marks people! Hopefully this time I'll avoid it by eating sensibly (yeah right) and exercising (in your dreams) and not gaining so much weight (54lbs people) that's the plan anyway, apparently once you have it in one pregnancy you have a 90% chance of a reccurrance in subsequent pregnancies - nice odds there.

Hope to avoid induction and c-section as well this time, but I'm getting way way ahead of myself so I'll stop all this idle speculation and just hope I see/hear those galloping hoofbeats in a few weeks!

Well - It's still a secret

2006-12-11T10:40:00.000-08:00

but I'm sharing the news here so it is and it isn't.

Baby #2 is due to arrive in August '07.

Yes that means I'm like all of 4 weeks pregnant right now so I'm toying with fate by blogging about it but I didn't keep any kind of journal for my pregnancy with my son and I'm sorry I didn't now so this is redemption.

Estimated Due Date is August 17, 2007 and Chinese Gender Prediction says it's a girl.

I guessed I might be pregnant when I started hitting this insane exhaustion wall every afternoon last week, it's due to hit me now again in about 20 minutes, hmm I thought, then the constipation set in and I thought hmm again, I've been here before so I bought a test on Friday even though my period wasn't due until today and there it was a faded + sign, nah I thought and threw it away. Did another one the next day and there it was again a +...so i took it outside to big man who was putting a new roof on the shed and asked him if it was real. He seemed to think it was and reacted as he does.

Bought 2 more tests Saturday evening on teh way to work and did one at work, two || this time, definitely there. One more test Sunday morning confirming the two ||s and now I'm starting to believe it.

Made an appt with the doc to have an official test this afternoon, if it's positive then I think I'll really believe it.

Well I'll really believe it when I see the galloping heartbeat on a scan. Sadly I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks the year before little man was born so I'm all too aware of the risks. I'll relax into it after 12 weeks.

In the meantime if you've stumbled across me and you don't know me this might be incredibly boring for you, if you do know me chances are you're getting a link to this in Jan 2007 so are reading backwards, welcome!